The Princess Bride: Cartoon X Over Edition
by Phillip Clark
Summary: Sonic the Hedgehog goes on a quest to rescue his beloved Sally Acorn from the evil Prince Bowser Jr. with the help of Danny Phantom and the Incredible Hulk.
1. Prologue: A Visit From Grandpa Simpson

All right, folks. After the success of my _Ash and Company_ story, it's time for me to begin the next of my parodies. Just as a reminder, I don't own _The Princess Bride_, or any of the characters who'll be appearing in here. And with that, let us begin.

* * *

**Prologue**

**A Visit From Grandpa Simpson**

Our story begins in a bedroom where a 10-year-old boy was in bed playing _MLB 2009_ on the PS3. He had yellow skin and spiky hair, and was wearing green Krusty the Clown PJs. This was Bart Simpson.

"Come on, man! Make it to first base!" yelled Bart as he hit the ball and his character began running to the base. Unfortunately, his character wasn't fast enough, and got thrown out before he could reach the bag. "GAME OVER" the screen flashed at Bart. "Aw man, Ay Carumba," the boy complained has he began coughing.

"Bart?" a concerned voice asked. Entering the room was a middle-aged yellow-skinned woman wearing a green dress and red pearls and blue hair in the style of the Bride of Frankenstein. This was Marge Simpson, Bart's mother. "Oh, my special little guy, are you feeling any better?" Marge asked as she felt her son's forehead.

"Not much," groaned Bart before going into another coughing fit. "I can't believe it! Out of all the days for me to _really_ get sick, why'd it have to be School Carnival Day?"

"Maybe it's just karma for all the times you faked being sick to get out of tests," came a voice from outside Bart's bedroom.

"Shut up, Lisa!" Bart yelled at his younger sister.

"Ignore her, Bart, and don't worry," said Marge. "Grandpa's coming to keep an eye on you while my sisters treat me to the spa."

"But Mom," complained Bart. "Grandpa's just going to pinch my cheek and annoy me with fake stories from his days in the war!"

"Oh, maybe he won't," murmured Marge as she got up from Bart's bed.

"Hello?" an elderly voice suddenly came from downstairs. "Did I get the right house?" Suddenly, into Bart's room barged an elderly yellow-skinned man wearing glasses, a pink sweater, and gray pants with slippers. This was Abraham "Grandpa" Simpson, Bart's grandfather. "Ah, so there's the little sickie," Grandpa chortled as he pinched Bart's cheek. Annoyed, Bart gave his mother a "see, I told you so" look.

"All right, Grandpa, take care of Bart while I'm away," said Marge as she began getting ready for her trip to the spa. "HAVE FUN, YOU BOYS!" she yelled as she got into the car.

"All right, Bart, since you're sick for real this time, I decided to give you a present," said Grandpa as he handed Bart a gift wrapped in wrapping paper. Ripping it off, Bart discovered that his "present" was an old book called _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_.

"A book?" Bart asked disappointed.

"That's right!" exclaimed Grandpa. "When I was your age, television was called books and books were called chair protectors. This here was a special book your Great-Grandpappy used to read to me when I was sick, I read it to Homer when he was sick, but since he doesn't read much to you kids anyway, I'm going to read it to you now."

"But why a _book_?" asked Bart. "Why not just tell me one of your old war stories?"

"Because you, Lisa, and Homer are always complaining about how those stories are always nonsensical and avoid the point," explained Grandpa. "Maybe if I read you something that somebody _else_ wrote, you'll pay attention to me for once!"

"Does it have any sports?" said Bart.

"Are you kidding?" asked Grandpa. "It has _fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, hulking monsters, chases, escapes, miracles, true love_..."

"All right, I'll try to stay awake," groaned Bart.

"You're vote of confidence is much appreciated," said Abe sarcastically as he opened the book and began reading. "Here we go: _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_ by S. Morgenstern. Chapter One..."

* * *

I know it's short, but it's a good set-up, isn't it? I actually have high hopes for this story, since as far to my knowledge, nobody else has attempted a _Princess Bride_ parody yet. Read and Review, while I finally go back to updating _Roseladdin_.


	2. Chapter 1: A Kissing Book?

All right, folks, it's been a while, but here's Chapter 1 of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, as the story finally officially begins...

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**A Kissing Book?**

"_Sally Acorn was raised on a small farm in the country of Cartoonia," _began Grandpa._ "Her favorite pastimes included riding her horse, Spirit, and tormenting the young hedgehog farm boy who worked there. His name was Sonic, but she never called him that..."_

As Grandpa spoke, we begin to see a beautiful countryside filled with hills and a small farm, where a brown ground squirrel with red hair, blue eyes, and light brown fur on her muzzle and chest area and wearing a blue vest and boots was riding an orange horse with black mane, tail, and hooves. The squirrel's name was Sally Acorn.

Nearby, a blue hedgehog with green eyes, peach arms and underbelly, and wearing white gloves and red shoes was busy taking care of the horses. This was Sonic the Hedgehog.

"_Nothing gave Sally more pleasure than ordering Sonic around,_" continued Abe as Sally ended her ride and dismounted her horse.

"Farm Boy!" called Sally to Sonic. "I need you to polish Spirit's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

"As you wish," responded Sonic simply as Sally turned and walked away.

"'_As you wish' was all he ever said to her,"_ narrated Abe as the scene switched to Sonic chopping a pile of wood and Sally walking up to him carrying a pair of empty water pitchers.

"Farm Boy!" called out Sally. "Fill these pitchers with water." She suddenly faltered as Sonic stared at her intensely. "Please."

"As you wish," said Sonic, nodding. Sally began walking away, but stopped to turn back at Sonic briefly.

"_That day, she was amazed to discover that whenever Sonic said 'As you wish,' what he really meant was 'I love you,'"_ chuckled Grandpa as he continued his narration. _"And even more surprising for Sally was the day she discovered she loved him, too..."_

The next scene saw a slightly older Sonic entering the Acorn house where a slightly older Sally was preparing dinner.

"Farm Boy!" Sally suddenly called out. Sonic turned back to stare at her, causing Sally to lose her tongue. "Fetch me that pitcher," she finally said, gesturing to an empty pitcher just above her.

Sonic slowly walked over and removed the pitcher from its nail before handing it over to Sally and whispering "As you wish."

The two of them smiled at each other as the scene switched to them watching a sunset just outside the Acorn farm. They leaned in close to each other when suddenly...

* * *

"WAIT A MINUTE! Hold it, Grandpa!" interrupted Bart, as the scene immediately shifted back to Bart's room. "Where's the sports you promised?! Are you trying to trick me?" The boy stared at his grandfather. "Is this a_ kissing book_?"

"Wait, just wait," the old man assured Bart. "It gets better, just keep your shirt on and let me read, boy!"

"Hey, what's going on in here?" a voice suddenly came from outside Bart's bedroom as a yellow-skinned bald-headed man wearing a white work shirt and blue pants entered. This was Homer Simpson, Bart's father and Abe's son.

"Homer, what are you doing here?!" cried out Abe. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Hey, I figured that if the Boy was going to play hooky, why shouldn't I as well?" responded Homer. "What are you two doing, anyway?"

"First off, Dad, for the last time, I _really am_ sick!" said Bart. "Second off, Grandpa's reading me some crappy story called _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_."

"_The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_!" exclaimed Homer. "I used to love listening to that book whenever Dad read it to me! I always swore I was going to read it to you, Lisa, and Mini-Lisa whenever you got sick."

"Then why didn't you?" growled Grandpa annoyed.

"Stuff came up," explained Homer. "Mostly car-related. Say, can I listen too?" he asked as he pulled up a chair and sat in it.

"Okay, okay, just don't interrupt me," said Abe as he continued reading. _"Sonic had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and left the Acorn farm to seek his fortune across the sea."_

* * *

The scene soon switched back to the Acorn farm as Sonic and Sally were saying their good-byes. _"Naturally, this was a VERY emotional time for Sally,"_ continued Grandpa as Sally and Sonic hugged each other.

"_I don't believe this,"_ groaned Bart.

"_Shut up, Boy!"_ yelled Homer.

"I fear I'll never see you again," whispered Sally tearfully as she held onto Sonic.

"Of course you will," assured Sonic.

"But what if something happens to you?" asked Sally concerned.

Sonic suddenly let go of Sally and looked into his true love's eyes. "Here this now," the hedgehog said. "I will always come for you."

"But how can you be sure?" asked Sally.

"Because this is true love," grinned Sonic. "Things like this don't happen every day." At this, Sally couldn't help but return Sonic's smile as he turned to leave.

"_Sonic never made his destination,"_ said Abe. _"On the high seas, his ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Shadow, who never took prisoners alive. When Sally heard about Sonic's murder-"_

"_Murdered by pirates is good,"_ interrupted Bart.

"_Trust me, Boy, it's not the way you think it is,"_ responded Homer.

"_Homer! No spoilers!"_ yelled Grandpa. _"Anyway, when she heard about it, she shut herself in her room, and neither slept nor ate for days."_

The scene soon switched to Sally in her room after learning of Sonic's death. She was completely inconsolable, and seemed to have lost all of her vigor.

"I'll never love again," she whispered.

* * *

It's that time again: Back to School time, which means, of course, that I won't have as much time to update as I've had. As usual, I promise to update whenever I catch a break in my schoolwork, but until then, Read and Review!


	3. Chapter 2: The Three Kidnappers

All right folks, today officially starts my Christmas vacation, so here's the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_ as my own personal apology for making you guys wait so long. Now before I start, let's answer some reviews:

Anonymous But Interested: While all of your suggestions are good, I don't think I'll have the conversation between Danny and Dr. Banner in your seventh suggestion. After all, there have been times in the comics where the Hulk has retained portions of Banner's intelligence, so let's just say I'm using that Hulk.

Dragonboy: I'd almost completely forgotten all about that movie. When (and if) I decide to do it, I'll be sure to keep your ideas in mind (and I even have some ideas about the characters you had no idea for).

Wild-Teen: As previously mentioned at the end of _Ash and Company_, I already have the _Karistasia_ cast all planned out. You'll find out who's playing what, when I start it (however, suffice it to say you're spot on with several of your suggestions, I'm just not saying WHICH ones).

And now, without further ado, let's continue this story:

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**The Three Kidnappers**

"_Five years later, the people of Cartoonia were crowded together in the middle of their capital city's square,"_ narrated Grandpa, _"to hear the announcement of Prince Bowser Jr.'s new bride-to-be..."_

The scene soon changed to a bustling city square facing the Cartoonia Castle, where a group of trumpeters were signaling the arrival of a group of people onto the castle balcony above the people. The first was an elderly seven-foot tall Koopa with gray scraggly hair, baggy gray eyebrows, red eyes, a green face, a tan snout, two horns, a sickly yellow skin, a tan umpire-like chest, and a green shell with a white rim and seven dulled spikes on his back wearing a spiked collar, bracelets, and shoulder bands. This was King Bowser Koopa, the ruler of Cartoonia.

The second was a white-haired elderly woman with blue eyes wearing a white sleeveless, short-skirted gown and light blue sandals. This was Queen Namine, Bowser's beloved wife.

Although Bowser and Namine had been getting senile in recent years (mostly Bowser), they still loved the Cartoonia people, and were in turn loved by them. However, the people's love did not extend to their son, a smaller Koopa with small black beady eyes, a rounded snout, and a single sharp tooth visible in his mouth wearing a kerchief showing a set of sharp teeth. This was Prince Bowser Jr., and he was disliked by the people due to a combination of his habit of letting Cartoonia go to rot while he was off hunting, and the recent strained relations he'd placed between Cartoonia and their neighbors across the Cartoonia Channel, Toonburg, through a series of tariffs on Toonburg goods.

Next to Jr. was a muscular ghost with pale green-blue skin, flaming white hair and mullet, red eyes for pupils, pointed ears, sharp vampire teeth, a serpent-like forked tongue, and wearing white boots, black pants, white belt, and a white costume with what looked to be a huge black "Y" overlapping the costume with a P inside of a D in the center of the Y, white sleeves and collar, and a white cape flowing behind him. This was Count Dan Phantom, Prince Jr.'s only confidant.

"My people," began Bowser Jr., "a month from now, our country will celebrate its five hundredth anniversary! On sundown of that day, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like you lot!" The young Koopa suddenly grinned maliciously. "But I don't think you'll find her so _common_ anymore," he muttered under his breath before readdressing the people: "Would you like to meet her?" he asked. In response the people of Cartoonia gave a rousing cheer. Despite their hatred of Jr., they positively enjoyed royal weddings, and were looking forward to this one.

"Very well then," grinned Jr. "My people I present to you: Princess Sally Acorn!" With that, the royal trumpeters began playing again, as a new figure appeared in the castle gate. It was Sally, except now she was wearing an embroidered blue gown with a crown on her head. Silently approaching the square, she gazed at the people of Cartoonia, who one by one began bowing down to their new Princess.

"_Sally's emptiness consumed her,"_ continued Abe as Sally stared up at the grinning Jr. _"Although the law of the land gave Jr. the right to choose her as his bride, she did not love him. And although Jr. reassured her that she would come to love him, the only joy Sally found was on her daily ride on Spirit."_

The scene soon changed to Sally riding on Spirit just outside Cartoonia's capital city. They traveled across the meadow side and through the woods, where they were suddenly stopped by three people. The first was a 29-year old ghost with tanned skin, green eyes, snow-white hair, and wearing a black jumpsuit with white boots, belt, and gloves, and a symbol of a P inside of a D on his chest. Sally knew she had seen that symbol on Count Dan's outfit before, but she couldn't figure out why this ghost had the same symbol on him.

The second looked like a giant muscular monster with green skin, dark-greenish hair, green eyes, and wearing ripped purple pants.

The third man was about the same size as the ghost and had blue skin, a nasty scar underneath his right eye, black hair in a ponytail, and wearing a dark blue lab coat with black boots, belt and gloves.

"A word, My Lady," the blue-skinned man addressed Sally. "My associates and I are but poor humble circus performers who have lost the rest of our troupe. Tell us: is there a village nearby we can amuse with our skills?"

Sally stared at the man. "There is nothing nearby," the squirrel stated. "Not for miles."

"Good," the blue-skinned man suddenly grinned as the green monster approached her. "Then there will be nobody to hear you scream!" Sally suddenly gasped as the monster pinched her in a nerve hold, sending her into unconsciousness.

* * *

Later, the blue-skinned man was ripping off a cloth to attach to Spirit's saddle, while his helpers were unloading Sally into their dinghy. "What is that you're ripping?" the ghost suddenly asked the blue-skinned man.

"Fabric of the uniform of an officer of the Toonburg Army," explained the blue-skinned man simply.

"Why are you doing that?" the green monster asked confused.

"THINK, YOU LUMMOX!" the blue-skinned man suddenly shouted. "The relations between Cartoonia and Toonburg have already been strained due to Prince Bowser Jr.'s recent tariffs on Toonburg goods! If the Prince sees that fabric once the horse returns, he'll suspect that the Toonburgers have kidnapped his love in retaliation for those tariffs. Once he sees her dead body on the Toonburg frontier," he continued, gesturing towards Sally, "his suspicions will be confirmed!" With that, the blue-skinned man went into an evil chuckle.

"You never said anything about killing anyone!" the monster said shocked.

"Hello? We've been hired to start a war!" the blue-skinned man responded sarcastically. "Besides, to make an omelet, you've got to break some eggs!"

"All right, all right," muttered the monster. "I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl."

"Did my ears deceive me, or DID THE WORD 'THINK' JUST ESCAPE YOUR LIPS!" yelled the blue-skinned man. "YOU MAY HAVE BEEN A SCIENTIST BEFORE YOUR TRANSFOMATION, BUT YOU WERE NOT HIRED TO THINK FOR ME, YOU MUSCLE-BOUND OAF!"

"I don't know, Doc," said the ghost as he floated onto the deck. "I'd have to agree with the Hulk. It just doesn't seem right."

"OH, GOODIE, THE GHOST HAS SPOKEN!" yelled the blue-skinned man sarcastically. "I'LL KILL HER IF IT EASES YOUR CONSCIENCES! But don't forget this," he said menacingly to the ghost, "when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, YOU COULDN'T BUY BRANDY! AND YOU," he continued, now turning towards the Hulk, "Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Have you forgotten that it's only because of ME you have managed to retain even a fraction of your once-great intelligence, _Dr. Banner_? Do you want me to send you back to where you were: UNEMPLOYED IN GREENLAND!"

"Isn't Greenland the one with the ice land?" the ghost said to the blue-skinned man confused.

"Yeah," responded the Hulk. "I think you guys found me in Iceland, which is the one with the green land."

"GAAH!" shouted the blue-skinned man frustrated. "It's bad enough Shego got me with that in an episode of my show, I don't need you two doing that to me now!" With that, the blue-skinned man fumed and went off to the other side of the dinghy as the ghost approached the Hulk.

"That Dr. Drakken," the ghost said to the Hulk, "he can _fuss_."

The Hulk grinned, knowing what his friend was doing. "I think you'd like to slay him, _alas_!"

"Possibly he means no _harm_," the ghost continued.

"Drakken's just very, very short on _charm_," the Hulk finished.

The ghost grinned. "We have a great gift for rhyme."

"Yes, yes," agreed the Hulk, "some of the time."

"ENOUGH OF THAT!" shouted Dr. Drakken as the boat started moving across the Cartoonia Channel.

"Hulk, are there rocks ahead?" asked the ghost.

"If there are, we'll all be dead!"

"No more rhyming, I mean it!" yelled Drakken.

"Does anyone want a peanut?" asked the Hulk.

"GAAH!"

* * *

As nightfall came, Sally had regained consciousness, and was now being watched under the constant supervision of Drakken.

"We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn!" the blue-skinned man said triumphantly. He then noticed that the ghost was busy staring over the back of the boat.

"Why are you doing that, Danny?" the Hulk asked.

"I'm checking to see if anyone's following us," explained Danny.

"Oh, PLEASE!" scoffed Drakken, "That would be inconceivable!"

"Despite what you think, you will be caught," said Sally smugly. "And when you are, Prince Bowser Jr. will see the three of you hanged, or in the case of the ghost, disintegrated molecule by molecule."

"Yeah, like I haven't heard _that_ threat before," groaned Danny.

"Besides," said Drakken, "Out of all the necks on this boat, Your Highness, you should be most worried about your own." In response, Sally only looked away as Danny continued looking over the back of the boat. "WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?" the blue scientist yelled at the ghost. "Just sit back and relax, this job's almost over!"

"Doc, are you sure nobody's following us?" asked Danny.

"Like I said, it would be absolutely, totally, an in all other ways inconceivable! Nobody in Toonburg knows what we've done, and even if Cartoonia has discovered the Princess' horse by now, there's no way they could have gotten here so quickly," explained Drakken smugly. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing," said Danny nonchalantly. "I just happened to look behind us, and something is there."

"WHAT?" yelled Drakken as he hurried over to the back of the dinghy. Sure enough, just as Danny had said, there was a small one-man boat with a black sail close behind them.

"Nothing to worry about, it's probably just some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through Sharpedo-infested waters," the blue-skinned man said, trying to reassure himself. At that moment, there suddenly came a splash from behind them, and Drakken and Danny looked to see Sally swimming away.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" yelled Drakken. "GO IN THERE AND GET AFTER HER!"

"I don't swim," said Danny simply. Annoyed, Drakken turned to the Hulk.

"I only doggy-paddle," the monster said, moving his arms for emphasis.

"GAAH!" shrieked Drakken as he headed towards the front of the boat. "Veer left, VEER LEFT!" he commanded to Danny as Sally continued swimming away from them.

Suddenly, from around Sally, there came low growls of "Sharpedo! Shar!" Pausing, the squirrel looked around to see where they had come from.

"Do you hear that, Highness?" yelled Drakken triumphantly. "Those are the Sharpedos! If you don't believe me, just wait: they always get louder when they are about to FEED ON HUMAN FLESH!" As if on cue, a black shark-like Pokemon rushed past Sally, barely avoiding her.

"I'll make you a deal," continued Drakken. "If you swim back now, I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you'll get such a promise from the Sharpedos! So what's it going to be?"

Unsure of what to do, Sally continued swimming until she suddenly found herself being charged by the Sharpedo. She gasped as the Pokemon opened its jaws to swallow her whole...

* * *

"She doesn't get eaten by the Sharpedos at this time," explained Abe as the scene abruptly switched back to Bart's room.

"What?" asked Bart confused.

"The Sharpedo doesn't get her," explained Abe again.

"Way to go, Dad!" yelled Homer sarcastically. "You complain to me in the last chapter about not spoiling the story, now you go and do it!"

"I know, I know," said Grandpa sheepishly. "It's just that Bart looked nervous, so I thought I'd explain it to him."

"I wasn't nervous!" said Bart annoyed. Upon seeing Homer and Abe's "Yeah, right" looks, he conceded: "Okay, maybe I was a little _concerned_, but that's not the same thing!"

"Okay," said Grandpa, "because we can stop now if you want."

"No, that's not necessary," said Bart hastily. "You can read a little more if you want."

"Okay," said Abe as he went back to his page: _"'Do you hear that, Highness? Those are the Sharpedos!'"_

"Uh...Dad?" said Homer. "You kind of already read that part."

"You're right! How silly of me!" said Grandpa sheepishly as he looked to where he was: "Okay, she was in the water, the Sharpedo was coming after her, she was frightened, the Sharpedo started to charge, and then..."

* * *

Back in the story, the Sharpedo was suddenly knocked away from Sally by a green fist, while a giant green hand single-handedly pulled the squirrel back into the boat.

"Put her down!" commanded Drakken to the Hulk as the green behemoth lowered Sally to the floor. He then hurried over to Sally to check up on her. "I suppose you think you're brave, Your Highness?"

"Only when compared to _some people_," Sally responded scornfully towards the blue-skinned man as Drakken fumed.

"I think he's getting closer!" called Danny looking back behind him at the other boat.

"He's no concern of ours!" yelled Drakken annoyed. "Sail on!"

As dawn approached, Danny, Hulk, and Drakken were shocked to see the mysterious boat was even closer to them than before.

"Look, he's right on top of us!" exclaimed Danny. "I wonder if he is using the same wind we are?"

"Whoever he is, he's too late!" said Drakken triumphantly, pointing in front of him. Right ahead of the boat was a giant and ominous-looking rock formation. "See? The Cliffs of Insanity!"

* * *

I hope you enjoyed my choices for casting. On the suggestion of Anonymous But Interested, I upped Danny's age by fifteen years in here so that his motivations in the story make more sense. Dan is also not going to be his future self in here, FYI. Read and Review, and I'll try to make my next update quicker.


	4. Chapter 3: Scaling the Cliffs

All right, folks, here's Chapter 3, where the excitement begins to pick up with mountain climbing and a swordfight between...but that would be spoiling it. Instead, I'll just let you read for yourselves.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Scaling the Cliffs**

As the boats began heading towards the Cliffs of Insanity, Drakken began to start acting more..._insane_ towards Danny and the Hulk.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" the blue-skinned scientist yelled at his companions as they approached an inlet between the Cliffs. "MOVE THE THING! AND...THE OTHER THING!" he shouted, gesturing wildly around the boat for emphasis. "COME ON, MOVE IT!"

As their dinghy, soon reached on side of the inlet, Drakken started acting more relaxed as Danny and the Hulk began to anchor down their boat. "We're safe," he said to his companions reassuringly. "Only the Hulk is strong enough to go up OUR way!"

"Actually no," corrected Danny. "There are a lot of individuals that strong: Hercules, Superman, Mr. Incredible, Stitch, Wonder Woman, Juniper Lee, She-Hulk, the Powerpuff Girls, the Thing, Colossus, and your former sidekick's big brother Hego just to name a few."

"Okay, I stand corrected," conceded Drakken. "But the Hulk is the only one IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA strong enough to go up our way!" He then gestured towards the mysterious boat with the black sail behind them. "HE, on the other hand, will probably have to sail around for hours until he finds a harbor!" Grinning triumphantly, Drakken soon placed a harness on the Hulk which he, Danny, and Sally got into. Sally looked up. It was an awfully long way to get up to the top of the Cliffs.

As the Hulk slowly began climbing up the Cliffs of Insanity using a rope which Drakken had tied to the top of the Cliffs before they had captured Sally, the boat with the black sail soon docked alongside Drakken's dinghy and its pilot jumped out. He was a blue hedgehog with a black cape and mask covering his face. He soon grabbed the rope and began following the Hulk up the Cliffs.

"He's climbing the rope!" Danny stated, looking down and seeing the Hedgehog in Black following them. "And he's gaining on us!"

"Inconceivable!" gasped Drakken. Yet there it was: The Hedgehog in Black seemed to be gaining on them with almost super-speed. "FASTER!" the blue-skinned man yelled at the Hulk.

"I thought I WAS going faster," the green behemoth complained.

"You were supposed to be this powerful being," Drakken growled at the Hulk. "You were this great legendary monster whose power increased with his anger, and yet he gains!"

"Well I'm trying to climb quickly WITHOUT bring a good chunk of the Cliffs down on us," explained the Hulk. "He doesn't have to worry about his strength causing such an accident."

"I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES!" the blue-skinned scientist yelled angrily. "I'm just going to have to find myself a new monster, that's all."

"Please don't say things like that, Doc," complained the Hulk as he continued climbing, the Hedgehog in Black in hot pursuit.

"Have I made it clear that YOUR JOB IS AT STAKE HERE?" Drakken yelled at the Hulk sarcastically a few seconds later. He then turned towards the "camera": "I know some people think it's inviting disaster to keep yelling insults at an already super-strong monster who gets even stronger as he gets madder, but I HAVE TO keep him mad because I can't risk him turning back into his scrawny brainiac alter-ego or he really WOULD be absolutely useless to me."

Eventually the Hulk reached the top of the Cliffs. Danny soon got out of the Harness and pulled Sally and Drakken out to safety. Once he was out, Drakken immediately ran over to the end of the rope and grinning wickedly, began cutting the rope, eventually causing the rope to snap and fall off the edge of the Cliffs of Insanity.

Danny and the Hulk soon headed towards the edge of the Cliffs to see the Hedgehog in Black hanging onto the edge of the Cliffs and slowly but surely attempting to continue climbing. "He has very good arms," Danny commented to the Hulk, who nodded in agreement.

"He didn't fall?!?" shouted Drakken, hurrying over to the edge and seeing the Hedgehog in Black. "Inconceivable!"

"You keep using that word," Danny commented to Drakken. "I don't think it means what you think it does."

"Well, whoever he is, he has seen us with the Princess, and must therefore die!" said Drakken, ignoring Danny. He then turned towards the Hulk: "Carry her!" As the Hulk grabbed Sally and began carrying her over his shoulder, Drakken turned to Danny: "Catch up with us at the Toonburg frontier the moment he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, your ghost powers."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd let me duel him," Danny said to Drakken disappointedly.

"You know what a hurry we're in!" Drakken complained.

"I know," admitted Danny. "It's just that I wouldn't get any satisfaction if I were to use my powers in the fight. It would be over much too quickly."

"Fine, whatever," said Drakken, not caring at all as he began walking away. The Hulk, however, stopped to offer a bit of advice to his friend.

"Be careful," the green behemoth said. "People in masks cannot be trusted."

"I'll remember that," Danny grinned at the Hulk, to which the monster smiled in return.

"I'M WAITING!" Drakken's voice yelled from off-screen. Immediately, the Hulk began following the blue-skinned man, carrying Sally with him.

As the Hulk left, Danny started practicing his sword-fighting stance before heading over to the edge of the cliff to check on the Hedgehog in Black's process climbing up. "Hello there," the ghost called.

The Hedgehog in Black looked up to see the white-haired ghost standing at the edge of the Cliffs before addressing him: "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this isn't as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me!"

"Sorry," apologized Danny as he began walking away from the Cliffs. After a few practices with his sword, he called down to the Hedgehog in Black again: "I don't suppose you're going to speed things up a bit?"

"Look," said the Hedgehog in Black, "if you're REALLY in such a hurry, you could lower down a rope or a tree branch or find something USEFUL to do!"

"I could do that," commented Danny. "I could fly down there and carry you up here, but I don't think you'd accept my help, seeing as how I'm only waiting around up here to kill you."

"Yes, that does put a damper on our relationship," agreed the Hedgehog in Black.

"BUT," continued Danny, "I can assure you that I WILL NOT kill you until you reach the top."

"That's very reassuring," the Hedgehog in Black said sarcastically as he continued climbing. "But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."

"I hate waiting," Danny muttered under his breath before addressing the climber again: "What if I gave you my word as a ghost?"

"No good," muttered the Hedgehog in Black as he searched for a new ledge to grab onto. "I've known too many ghosts."

"Is there any way I can get you to trust me?" asked Danny.

"Nothing comes to mind," the Hedgehog in Black answered.

Danny frowned. How was he going to get this hedgehog to trust him? Suddenly, an idea came to the ghost's mind as he called down to the Hedgehog in Black: "I swear on the passed-on soul of my father, Jack Plasmius, you WILL reach the top."

"Fly down," the Hedgehog in Black responded.

Danny soon flew down to the Hedgehog in Black and grabbed onto him as the Hedgehog let go of the cliff. The ghost then flew the two of them up to the top of the Cliffs of Insanity.

"Thank you," the Hedgehog in Black panted as he moved to take out his own sword.

"No, no, no," insisted Danny. "Wait until you're arms are recovered from hanging onto the Cliffs for so long."

"Again, thank you," responded the Hedgehog in Black. The two of them soon sat near the edge of the Cliffs of Insanity as the Hedgehog in Black began pouring pebbles out of his shoes.

"I don't mean to pry," Danny suddenly spoke up. "But have you by any chance in your travels ever happened to have come across a ghost with a forked tongue like a snake's?"

The Hedgehog in Black stared at the ghost. "Do you always begin your conversations this way?"

"Sorry," said Danny. "It's just that my father was slaughtered by a forked-tongued ghost several years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Hedgehog in Black responded. Danny stared at his companion before deciding to tell him the whole story.

"He was a great sword-maker, my father," Danny began. "Ghosts from all over the Ghost Zone would come to request one of the legendary Jack Plasmius' swords."

"Yeah, that's something that's always bothered me," the Hedgehog in Black interrupted. "Why do ghosts need swords when they have intangibility, ecto-blasts, and all those other powers?"

"It's a point of honor with us," Danny explained. "It would be considered to be equivalent to a cheap shot to attack our opponents with ecto-blasts or to go intangible to evade a sword."

"Not bad," the Hedgehog in Black said. "You actually managed to give a good explanation that didn't involve breaking the fourth...D'OH!" he suddenly groaned, realizing what he did.

"_And that's where I got that from," explained Homer._

"_Don't interrupt, Homer!" yelled Grandpa._

"_Sorry."_

"Anyway," continued Danny, unaware of the previous conversation, "one day, the fork-tongued ghost appeared requesting a special sword. My father accepted and made..._this!_" he then showed the sword he was carrying to the Hedgehog in Black. It was a magnificent sword with a solid gold handle and a blade made out of ectoranium, the only substance that could actually harm ghosts. "It took him over a year to make it."

"I've never seen it's equal," the Hedgehog in Black admitted, taking the sword and examining it.

"When the fork-tongued ghost returned, he demanded it," continued Danny, "but at one-tenth their agreed upon price. My father refused, and without another word, the fork-tongued ghost slashed him through the heart." Danny's expression darkened as he continued. "I loved my father, and naturally I challenged his killer to a duel. Needless to say, I failed," he sighed. "The forked-tongued ghost left me alive, but he burned his mark into my chest to remember him by," he continued, gesturing to the DP symbol on his chest. "Please understand, I was fourteen years old at the time and not yet experienced with the tools I required to defeat the killer. Since then, I've dedicated my life to the study of fencing and the sword. The next time I see him, I will not fail: I will go up to the fork-tongued ghost and say _'Hello, my name is Danny Phantom. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'_"

The Hedgehog in Black stared at the ghost incredulously. "These past fifteen years, you've done nothing but study swordplay?"

"Well, pursuing more than studying lately," conceded Danny. "You see, it's been fifteen years already and I can't find him, so I'm starting to lose a bit of confidence. I only work with Drakken to pay the bills. Unless your name is Bruce Wayne, you don't have a lot of money if you dedicate your life solely to revenge."

"Well, I certainly hope you find the fiend someday," said the Hedgehog in Black as he got up and returned Danny's sword.

"You're ready then?" the ghost asked.

"Ready or not, you've been more than fair," his opponent replied.

"You seem a decent fellow," said Danny. "I'll hate having to kill you."

"_You_ seem a decent fellow," agreed the Hedgehog in Black. "I'd hate to die."

"All right then," said Danny as he and the Hedgehog in Black got into sword fighting poses. "Begin!" He thrust his sword forward, which his opponent easily managed to block.

As the two continued dueling, they soon began complimenting on each other's styles. "You're using Bonetti's defense against me, huh?" asked Danny to his opponent.

"I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain," the Hedgehog in Black admitted.

"Naturally, you expect me to attack you with Capo Ferro," the ghost said as he began backing the Hedgehog in Black up a rocky path near the Cliffs.

"Naturally," agreed the hedgehog. "But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?" he added, blocking the ghost's advance and dropping off the path.

"Not if your opponent has studied his Agrippa," Danny countered as he leapt off the path and somersaulted behind the Hedgehog in Black, "which I have."

The two soon continued dueling. "You are wonderful," complimented Danny.

"Thank you," responded the Hedgehog in Black. "I've worked hard to become so."

"I admit that you are better than me," the ghost grinned.

"Then why are you smiling?" asked his opponent.

"Because I know something you don't know: remember what I said earlier about it being frowned upon to use our ghost powers during a fight? That doesn't mean we're not allowed to do so!" With that, Danny suddenly fired an ecto-blast, which the Hedgehog in Black was barely able to avoid.

Using a combination of his ecto-blasts as well as his sword, Danny was soon able to back the Hedgehog in Black to the very edge of the Cliffs of Insanity. "I've gotta admit, you're amazing," the Hedgehog in Black conceded.

"I ought to be after fifteen years," responded Danny.

"Well, there's something I ought to tell you," the Hedgehog in Black replied.

"Really? What is it?" the ghost asked confused.

"You're not the only one with powers here!" the hedgehog exclaimed, suddenly using super-speed to disappear in a flash and re-appear behind Danny.

"Super-speed?" Danny gasped in surprise. So this was how his opponent had been able to nearly overtake the Hulk when climbing the Cliffs. "Who are you?"

"No one of consequence," the Hedgehog in Black responded simply.

"I _must_ know," Danny insisted.

"Get use to disappointment," his opponent replied, suddenly running around Danny fast enough to create a whirlwind and make him too dizzy to use his ghost powers with the added benefit of kicking up enough dust to blind the ghost long enough to make him vulnerable to a volley of super-speed punches from the Hedgehog in Black, knocking Danny's sword out of his hands.

Danny quickly knelt to the ground as the Hedgehog in Black held his sword to his neck. "Kill me quickly," the ghost requested.

"I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist such as yourself," the Hedgehog in Black responded, circling the ghost. "However, since I can't have you following me either-" He suddenly knocked the handle of his sword to the back of Danny's head, sending the ghost into unconsciousness. "Please understand I hold you in the highest respect," he said to the unconscious ghost before using his super-speed to run off after Hulk, Drakken and Sally.

* * *

"Inconceivable!" yelled Drakken as he saw the Hedgehog in Black following them across the Toonburg frontier. Seething, the blue-skinned scientist turned towards the Hulk. "Give her to me!" he yelled, taking Sally from the green monster. "Catch up with us quickly!"

"What do you want me to do?" the Hulk asked confused.

"Finish him your way!" Drakken yelled as he began hurrying off.

"Oh, my way," said the Hulk understandably. He then turned to the blue-skinned man confused. "Which way is my way, again?"

Drakken groaned upon hearing this. "You see these rocks," he said, gesturing to the rocks and boulders around them. "Pick one up and hide behind a boulder. In a few minutes, the Hedgehog in Black will come running around the bend. The minute his HEAD is in view- HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!" he yelled at the monster.

"Oh," said the Hulk as Drakken ran off with Sally. He then frowned to himself. "My way's not very sportsman-like."

* * *

I always wondered how they got the rope for Fezzik to climb up to the top of the Cliffs of Insanity in the original movie up to the top of said Cliffs. Ah well, writer's plothole, I guess. Read and Review, as I get to work on my next update.


	5. Chapter 4: Battles of Strength and Wits

All, right, turns out that my computer problems were the result of a worn-out hardrive that finally crashed last week. Now that I finally have a new one to replace it, here is the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_ for you to enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Battles of Strength and Wits**

In pursuit, of Hulk, Drakken, and Sally, the Hedgehog in Black eventually reached the rocky area where the Hulk was hiding. As he continued running with his super-speed, he was suddenly surprised when a bolder was thrown right in front of him, causing the Hedgehog in Black to grind to a stop.

As the Hedgehog in Black looked around to see where the attack had come from, the Hulk suddenly emerged holding another bolder. "I missed you on purpose," the green behemoth explained. "Contrary to what my employer believes of me, I do retain enough intelligence of physics from my previous life in order to hit you if I wanted to."

"Somehow, I believe you," the hedgehog replied warily as he drew his sword at the Hulk. "So what happens now?"

While he had waited for the Hedgehog in Black to arrive, the Hulk had come up with a more "sportsman-like" approach to dealing with the interloper. Now he was going to put it into action.

"We'll face each other as nature intended," the Hulk decided. "No tricks or weapons. Your skill against my own. Sportsman-like," he finished grinning.

"In other words, you put down your rock, I put down my sword, and we try to kill each other like civilized people?" the Hedgehog in Black asked sarcastically.

"I could always kill you now," the Hulk pointed out as he took aim with the boulder.

"All right," agreed the Hedgehog in Black as he slowly put down his sword. "Although it's kinda obvious the odds are MORE THAN slightly in your favor at hand-to-hand combat."

"Hey, it's not Hulk's fault Hulk is strongest one there is," the monster replied in an obviously faked stupid tone as he tossed away his bolder. "I don't even have to exercise, just get angry." With that he and the Hedgehog in Black began circling each other warily.

The Hulk struck first, attempting to pound his opponent with his giant fists. However, the Hedgehog in Black used his super-speed to avoid the fists, then charge at the Hulk. However, the Hulk's strength held true, and the hedgehog's super-speed tackles had no effect on the green monster.

After the third time this happened, the Hedgehog in Black glared at his opponent. "Are you actually going to do SOMETHING against me or just stand there doing nothing?" he asked impatiently.

"I just wanted you to feel that you were doing well," the Hulk explained. "I'd hate it if you were to die disappointed." With that, the Hulk let loose another swing of his fists, which the Hedgehog in Black managed to dodge by rolling underneath the Hulk himself.

"You're quick even without having to resort to your super-speed," complimented the Hulk as he turned to face his opponent.

"In a fight like this, that's a good thing," the Hedgehog in Black replied as he avoided another swing of the Hulk's fists.

"Why are you wearing a mask, anyway?" the Hulk asked as he prepared to throw another giant punch. "Was your face burned in acid or something like that?"

"Oh, no, it's just that it's terribly comfortable," the Hedgehog in Black explained as he dodged more swings of the Hulk's fists. "I think everyone will be wearing them in the future." With these words, the Hedgehog in Black dodged one last swing from the Hulk's giant fist and used his super-speed to run up a giant boulder onto the Hulk's back, grabbing the Hulk by the neck.

The Hulk tried to throw the Hedgehog in Black off by ramming his back into other giant boulders. However, the Hedgehog in Black only continued gripping onto the Hulk's throat all the tighter. "You know, I know the reason why you're giving me so much trouble," the monster grunted as he attempted to smash the hedgehog once again.

"And why would that be?" the Hedgehog in Black grunted in reply.

"Except for the several times I've encountered the Abomination and that one charity fight I had with Superman, I haven't fought just one opponent in years," the Hulk explained. "I've gotten used to fighting small armies, groups of fifty or more heavily-armed troops or an entire battalion of killer robots."

"And why would that make a difference?" the Hedgehog in Black asked interested.

"You learn a different set of fighting moves when you're taking on a small army than when you have to worry about one opponent," commented the Hulk just before he ran out of breath and passed out.

As the Hedgehog in Black gazed at the unconscious Hulk, the Hulk soon transformed into an average-sized brunette man with a weak build, but wearing the same ripped purple pants as the Hulk. This was Dr. Bruce Banner, the Hulk's human half.

Flipping Dr. Banner over onto his back, the Hedgehog in Black immediately began checking the unconscious man's pulse. Finding one, he soon got up. "I don't envy the monstrous headache you'll have when you awaken," the hedgehog said, "but in the meantime, rest well, and dream of a woman who likes you for both the man and the monster." With these words, the Hedgehog in Black soon dashed off after Drakken and his captive, picking up his sword as he did so.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the top of the Cliffs of Insanity, a small Koopa's feet were busy retracing the steps of Danny and the Hedgehog in Black's duel. "It was a mighty duel," Prince Bowser Jr. explained to Count Dan and a regiment of Cartoonian troops on horseback who had accompanied him on his search for Sally. "It ranged all over the area, and whoever was fighting were both masters."

"How did it end?" Dan asked interested.

"The loser ran off alone," explained the Prince as he pointed in one direction, "while his opponent followed those tracks-" here the young Koopa gestured towards a new set of tracks "-towards Toonburg."

"Shall we track them both?" Dan asked evilly.

"Whoever lost doesn't matter to me," replied Jr. as he gazed up towards the muscular ghost. "Only the Princess." He remounted his horse as he continued: "Clearly, this was all planned by men of Toonburg in retaliation for my tariffs on their goods, therefore, we must be prepared for whatever's ahead."

"Do you think this is a trap?" asked Dan.

"Dan, my friend, you think EVERYTHING is a trap," chuckled Jr. towards the ghost. "That's why I'm still alive," he added thankfully as they and the rest of the Cartoonian solders began following the tracks.

* * *

As the Hedgehog in Black rounded another bend, he was soon met with an amusing sight: Sally lying unconscious, while Dr. Drakken was groaning and clenching his chest in pain with a giant rock decked out like a table complete with food, wine, and tablecloth in front of him. The blue-skinned man soon turned towards the "camera" again: "Hey, with the Hulk focused on the intruder, I didn't have the muscle to keep the Princess in check without keeping her drugged. She was able to get in one quick kick to my stomach JUST before I managed to inject the drugs, and believe me, this Princess DOES pack a wallop!" He soon noticed the Hedgehog in Black approaching him.

"So, it is down to you, and it is down to me," the blue-skinned man chuckled evilly as the hedgehog continued to approach him slowly. As he did so, Drakken suddenly got out a knife and held it to the unconscious Sally's throat. "If you wish her dead, then by all means continue moving forward," warned Drakken.

The Hedgehog in Black came to a stop. "Perhaps we can come to an arrangement. Let me explain-" the hedgehog began.

"There's nothing to explain!" interrupted Drakken angrily. "You're trying to kidnap what my henchmen and I have rightfully stolen. There will be no arrangement AND YOU'RE KILLING HER!" he added menacingly as he held the knife closer to Sally's throat.

"Then, we are at an impasse," realized the Hedgehog in Black.

"Precisely," chuckled Drakken evilly, happy to see that his opponent had gotten the point. "I can't compete with you physically. Heck, given how you've obviously beaten the Hulk, I rather seriously doubt SHEGO could compete with you physically. However, YOU are no match for my brains."

"Oh, please," quipped the Hedgehog in Black. "I've gotten used to fighting a REAL evil genius. At least RoBUTTnik doesn't steal most of his equipment from better scientists. He builds almost everything himself." Getting an idea, the hedgehog continued: "I WAS going to challenge you to a battle of wits, but my code of honor strictly prohibits me from attacking an unarmed man."

"ARE YOU INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE?!?" Drakken yelled angrily. "I REFUSE TO BE TALKED TO LIKE THAT!"

"Then prove me wrong and accept my offer!" challenged the Hedgehog in Black.

"A battle of wits for the Princess?" Drakken asked the Hedgehog in Black, who nodded in reply. "To the death?" Another nod. "I ACCEPT!"

"Very well," replied the Hedgehog in Black as he sat on the other side of the rock. "Now pour the wine."

As Drakken began pouring the wine into two goblets, the drugs finally wore off on Sally, and the squirrel slowly got up groaning. "Ah, good to see you're finally awake, Your Highness," said the blue-skinned man mockingly. "Our little stalker and I have just managed to arranged a battle of wits for the right to your ownership. Needless to say, I don't think you're going to win either way." With these words, Drakken chuckled evilly as he finished pouring the wine. "So how is this going to work?" he then asked the Hedgehog in Black.

In reply, the Hedgehog in Black brought out a vial containing a white powder. "Inhale this, but do not touch," the hedgehog explained as he handed the vial over to Drakken.

Drakken soon sniffed the top of the vial. "I smell nothing," the blue-skinned scientist said, "WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN that this is iocane powder! Odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and one of more deadlier poisons known to man!" he finished with an air of paranoia about him.

"Well, I give you credit for knowing your poisons, if nothing else," commented the Hedgehog in Black. However, he soon turned to the "camera": "This is actually a relatively harmless powdered sleeping aid, but there's no need to let THIS ego-tripping madman know THAT. I don't take lives needlessly, and pathetic that this guy is, I rather seriously doubt I'm going to NEED to kill him." Finished with his fourth-wall-breaking, the hedgehog soon took his vial back from Drakken as he took the wine goblets out of eyesight. When he put them back on the tablecloth, the vial was empty.

"All right," said the Hedgehog in Black as he placed one goblet in front of Drakken and one in front of himself. "Where is the poison? The Battle of Wits has begun and will end when you decide which goblet it's in. We will both take a drink and then find out who is right, and who is…_incapacitated_."

"THIS is your challenge?" Drakken laughed. "This is a no-brainer! All I have to do is devise what I know of you: Are you the sort of man who would put poison into his own goblet, or that of his enemy's?" Drakken soon stopped laughing as he went down to business: "Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he knows that only a great fool would reach for what he is given. I, of course, am not a great fool ('Could've fooled me' thought Sally and the Hedgehog in Black), so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF YOU!" He then frowned as he continued: "But you must have counted on the fact that I am not a great fool, so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF ME!"

"You've made your decision then?" asked the Hedgehog in Black.

"NOT EVEN CLOSE!" shouted Drakken. "You see, I also know that iocane powder comes from Australia, a continent founded by criminals, who are used to people not trusting them, as I don't trust you, so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"You truly have a dizzying intellect," commented the Hedgehog in Black.

"WAIT 'TIL I GET GOING!" the blue-skinned man shouted. He then stared at the hedgehog embarrassed. "Now, where was I?" he asked embarrassedly.

"I believe you were saying something about Australia," replied the Hedgehog in Black.

"Ah, yes," said Drakken as he continued: "But you would've known that I knew exactly where the powder's origin was, so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF ME!"

"You're just stalling now," said the Hedgehog in Black.

"YOU'D LIKE TO THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?" shouted Drakken angrily. "You defeated the Hulk, which means you must be very strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet hoping on your strength to save you, so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF YOU! BUT, you also defeated my ghost henchman, which means you must've studied, and in studying, learned that man is mortal, so you would've put the poison from as far from you as possible, so I CLEARLY CANNOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF ME!"

"You're trying to trick me into giving something away," chuckled the Hedgehog in Black. "I can assure you it won't work."

"IT ALREADY HAS WORKED!" shouted Drakken madly. "YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW _EXACTLY_ WHERE THE POISON IS!"

"Then make your pick," challenged the Hedgehog in Black.

"Very well," replied Drakken. "I choose-WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN THAT BE?" he suddenly shouted pointing behind the Hedgehog in Black.

"What?" said the Hedgehog in Black, quickly turning around. However, as he did so, Sally saw Drakken discreetly switch the positions of the wine goblets, the look in his eyes telling her not to say a word to the Hedgehog in Black.

Finally, the Hedgehog in Black turned back towards Drakken. "There's nothing there," he replied annoyed.

"Sorry, my mistake," said Drakken, doing his best to hold back a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" asked the Hedgehog in Black interested.

"I'll tell you in a minute," chuckled Drakken as he reached for the goblet now in front of him. "First, let's drink, me from my goblet, and you from yours."

Both the hedgehog and the scientist took their goblets and took a long sip from each. As they put their goblets down, the Hedgehog in Black grinned at Drakken. "Sorry, Mac. You guessed wrong."

"You only THINK I guessed wrong! THAT'S what's so funny!" laughed Drakken in reply. "I switched glasses while your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one the classic blunders! The most famous one is _never_ get involved in a land war in Asia, but only LESS slightly known is this: NEVER go up against the genius that is Dr. Drakken when DEATH is on the line!" Drakken started laughing madly before he suddenly fell over onto his side.

With Drakken dealt with, the Hedgehog in Black walked over to Sally. "Who are you?" the squirrel wondered.

"No one to be trifled with, Your Highness," the hedgehog answered. "That's all you need to know about me."

Sally stared at Drakken's body. "And to think," the Princess said, "All this time the poison was in your goblet."

"Actually, the powder was in both goblets," the Hedgehog in Black explained. "I just happened to spend a few years building up an immunity to an assortment of drugs. Actually fairly easy when you have a super-fast metabolism capable of burning off that type of stuff at a far quicker rate than most people. Anyway, that powder in the drinks will keep him out cold for two hours, but he's still very much alive. When your fiancé's troops get through with him though, he might be wishing he WEREN'T." With these words, the Hedgehog in Black stood up and grabbed Sally.

"What are you going to do with me?" asked Sally nervously.

"You'll find out soon enough," the hedgehog replied ominously as he began running off, holding onto the Princess.

* * *

Well, updates should be a lot easier to come by now that I have a functioning hardrive again. However, knowing me, I won't be able to make any guarantees about that. Read and Review, and tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 5:The Hedgehog in Black Revealed

All right folks, it's time for the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, where the Hedgehog in Black's identity is finally revealed (although the vast majority of you have already figured out who it is by now), so sit back and enjoy as the story continues.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**The Hedgehog in Black Revealed**

While the Hedgehog in Black was dealing with Drakken, Prince Bowser Jr. and his men had approached the area where the Hedgehog in Black had fought the Hulk.

"Will you look at that?" Jr. said to Dan as he gestured to the giant imprint on the ground from where the Hulk had collapsed. "Whoever was beaten here must had to have weighed a ton in order to make that kind of imprint!" He then frowned as he continued: "There will be a great suffering in Toonburg if Sally dies!" With these words, the young Koopa and his men continued their pursuit of Sally's trail.

* * *

Further along the Toonburg Frontier, Sally and the Hedgehog in Black continued running, Sally stumbling behind her new captor, until the hedgehog finally stopped. "Catch your breath," the Hedgehog in Black advised to the squirrel.

"If you'll release me, whatever you want for ransom, I promise you you'll get it," Sally pleaded with the hedgehog.

"And what is your word worth, the promise of a woman?" scoffed the Hedgehog in Black. "I commend you on your sense of humor, Your Highness."

"I _was_ giving you a chance," growled Sally. "Prince Bowser Jr. is the greatest hunter in Cartoonia. He's able to track a falcon on a cloudy day; he'll find you no matter where you take me!"

"So you believe that your dearest love will come save you?" the Hedgehog in Black asked interested.

"I never said that he was my dearest love," replied Sally. "But, yes, he will find me."

"What's this?" wondered the Hedgehog in Black. "You're telling me that you do not love your fiancé?"

"He knows I do not love him," Sally explained defensively.

"I believe the term you mean is 'incapable of loving,' Your Highness," her captor countered skeptically.

This last comment infuriated Sally completely. "I have loved more deeply than a killer like YOU could ever dream!" she shouted towards the Hedgehog in Black.

In response, the Hedgehog in Black suddenly cocked back his hand as if he was going to slap Sally, causing the squirrel to flinch slightly. "That was a warning, Highness," the hedgehog explained. "Next time my hand flies on its own, remember that where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies." With those words, the Hedgehog in Black grabbed Sally again and dragged her off along the Toonburg Frontier.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jr. and his men had finally come across the heavily-snoring body of Drakken. "He was tricked into taking a strong sleeping powder, no doubt of that," the young Koopa explained to Count Dan. "And look! There are the Princess' footprints!" he added, suddenly pointing toward a set of footprints leading away from the blue-skinned man's body.

"Is she alive?" the muscular ghost asked.

"She is, or was, an hour ago," Jr. explained. His face darkened further as he continued: "I will be slightly put out if she is otherwise when we find her…"

"What about Sleeping Beauty over here?" asked Dan, gesturing towards Drakken.

"Take him with us, I suspect he may have been involved somehow in the Princess' kidnapping," Prince Jr. decided as he and Dan gazed at each other with a knowing look. Dan soon placed the unconscious Drakken on the back of his horse as he and his men followed Bowser Jr. in pursuit of Sally and her kidnapper.

* * *

Sally and the Hedgehog in Black soon reached the edge of a deep ravine with a steep climb to get to it. "You can rest, Highness," advised the Hedgehog in Black as he let go of his prisoner.

"Your cruelty reveals who you are," realized Sally as she glared at her captor. "Admit it: You are the Dread Pirate Shadow!"

"At your service," replied the Hedgehog in Black as he bowed, now revealed to have been the same one responsible for Sonic's death five years ago. "And I REALLY need to remember to thank Antoine for the fencing lessons. What can I do for you, Your Highness?"

"You can start by dying a slow and painful death," Sally growled, glaring at Shadow.

"That hardly seems complimentary, Your Highness," the Dread Pirate Shadow said in a tone of mock hurt. "Why would you wish such agony on me?"

"You killed my one true love," Sally explained as she continued glaring.

"You'll have to be more specific, I've killed a lot of people in my lifetime," Shadow joked as he stared at Sally. "Was he another Prince like your fiancé: ugly, rich, and scabby?"

"No, he was a farm boy, poor and perfect, with green eyes like the sea after a storm," said Sally as she fought back the tears that always threatened to come out whenever she thought of Sonic. She then turned to the Dread Pirate Shadow angrily as she continued: "On the high seas, your ship attacked. The Dread Pirate Shadow never takes any prisoners alive."

"Hey, I can't afford to make exceptions," Shadow explained. "When people find out that a pirate's gone soft, they start to disobey you, and soon there's nothing you can do for yourself but find an honest job."

"Quit mocking my pain!" Sally exclaimed angrily towards the masked pirate.

"Life IS pain, Highness!" countered the Dread Pirate Shadow. "Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." He then frowned as if deep in thought: "I think I remember this Farm Boy of yours. This would have been, what, five years ago?" Sally nodded in confirmation. "You don't mind me talking about him, do you?"

"Nothing you can say will upset me," replied Sally in almost a whisper.

"He died well, if you must know. He didn't blubber for mercy or try bribing me," Shadow recalled. "All he said was 'Please, I need to live.' It was his use of 'please' that caught my memory and I asked what was so important he needed to go on living for. 'True love' was his reply, and then he went on to describe a female squirrel of surpassing beauty and faithfulness that I can only assume was supposed to be you. You should be thankful I ran him through before he found you out for what you are!"

"And what am I?" asked Sally as she got up.

"He spoke to me of your enduring faithfulness, madam. Now tell me, when you learned he was dead, did you get engaged to your Prince that same hour, or merely wait a week out of respect for the dead?"

"You've already mocked me once, never do it again!" shouted Sally as her anger started rising again. "I DIED that day!" The Dread Pirate Shadow was about to reply, but before he could do so, he was suddenly distracted by the sight of Prince Jr. and his men riding towards them in the distance. Sally saw this too and suddenly got an idea. "You can die too, for all I care!" the squirrel shouted, suddenly pushing Shadow into the ravine.

Head over heels, the Dread Pirate Shadow rolled down the hill into the ravine, causing his mask to fall off, all the while calling "As…you…wish…" Sally stared in shock. There was only one person who ever addressed her in that fashion…

"Oh, my sweet Sonic, what have I done?" Sally whispered in horror. Making up her mind a second later, she leapt into the ravine, rolling and grunting in pain as she fell after Sonic.

Nearby, Jr. and his men had watched the scene from afar. "Disappeared," the Koopa Prince muttered in disappointment. "He must have seen us closing in, which would account for his panicking and error. Unless I'm mistaken, and I never am, they're heading straight into the Fire Swamp." Dan only frowned in reply.

Meanwhile, on the ravine floor, Sonic crawled slowly towards Sally. "Can you move?" the hedgehog asked.

"If you want, I can fly!" exclaimed Sally happily. "You're alive!"

"I told you before I left I would I always come for you," said Sonic disappointed. "Why didn't you wait for me?"

"You were dead," explained Sally, tears in her eyes.

"Death cannot stop true love," explained Sonic. "All it can do is delay it for a while."

"I'll never doubt again," Sally said.

"You'll never have a need to," smiled Sonic as he and Sally suddenly leaned in towards each other…

* * *

"Oh no, please!" groaned Bart as the scene abruptly switched back to his room.

"What? What's the matter?" asked Grandpa.

"They're kissing again, do we really need to hear the kissing part?" asked Bart in annoyance.

"Hey, maybe someday, you won't mind as much, Boy," replied Homer mischievously to his son.

"Just skip ahead to that Fire Swamp part, Grandpa," said Bart, ignoring his father. "That sounded interesting."

"I don't know, Homer, should we?" asked Abe.

"Meh. He's sick. Let's humor the Boy," decided Homer.

"All right then," decided Grandpa as he turned the page: _"Sonic and Sally raced along the ravine floor…"_

* * *

As Sonic and Sally ran along the bottom of the ravine, Sonic suddenly glanced up to see Jr. and his men on top of the hill, looking down at them. "Ha! You're turtle-necked fiancé is too late!" Sonic joked towards Sally. "A few more steps, and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp!"

"We'll never survive!" Sally fretted as she and Sonic entered said Swamp.

"Nonsense!" replied Sonic nonchalantly. "You're only saying that because no one ever has!"

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed this update. Hopefully, I'll be able to get in at least ONE more update on one of my stories before I head back to college. Read and review, and give me your thoughts so far.


	7. Chapter 6: The Fire Swamp

All right, here it is after a long wait: the latest chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_. Now before I begin, a bit of warning to be on the lookout for an anonymous troller calling itself Flea Dip, who in his pathetic ignorance believes JusSonic to be the worst author ever, and has even written reviews as such to the other authors on here. Not only has that spoiled brat really annoyed me with his freakin' arrogance, what really disappoints me even more is that some of Jus' so-called "friends" like KingHuffman have gotten said reviews and not bothered deleting them, implying that they're buying into this guy's garbage. Really disappointed in ya Ryan, really disappointed in ya.

Well, now that that rant's out of my system, let's begin with the next chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**The Fire Swamp**

Soon, both Sonic and Sally were inside the Fire Swamp, which bore more resemblance to a jungle than it did a swamp, with great vines hanging about and a thick fog that made it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet in front of them. While Sally was clearly nervous about their situation, Sonic attempted to at least try to make light of it.

"It's not that bad," the hedgehog commented, causing Sally to stare at Sonic incredulously. "I'm not saying I want to build a summer home here," Sonic explained, "but the trees are actually quite lovely if you ask me."

Sally stared all the more incredulously at her once-thought-to-be-lost-love as "lovely" wasn't exactly the first word that popped into her mind when staring at the ominous-looking trees. Suddenly, there was a slight popping sound, and almost immediately, a giant flame burst out of the ground, catching the hem of Sally's blue dress. Acting quickly, Sonic forced Sally onto the ground as he worked to smother the flames on the dress. Finally succeeding, he looked up towards Sally.

"Well now, that was quite an adventure, wasn't it?" Sonic chuckled nonchalantly as he looked over Sally. "You weren't singed at all, were you?"

"No," replied the squirrel. "What about you?" Sonic shook his head in reply as he pulled Sally to her feet. As he did so, there was suddenly another popping sound, and Sonic pulled Sally aside just as another burst of flame shot out of the ground right where they had been a moment ago. The two of them grabbed hold of each other, staring at each other nervously.

"Well, one thing I'll say," Sonic finally spoke up. "The Fire Swamp certainly DOES know how to keep you on your toes." With these words, Sonic took hold of Sally's hand as the two of them made their way deeper into the Fire Swamp.

* * *

Later on, Sonic and Sally were in the thickest part of the Fire Swamp, Sonic using his sword to cut away at the vines that were blocking their path.

"…This will all soon be a happy memory," the hedgehog was saying as he cut another vine. "The Dread Pirate Shadow's ship _Revenge_ is anchored at the far end of the harbor, and I, as you so cleverly figured out earlier, am Shadow."

"I really don't see how that's possible, considering the Dread Pirate Shadow has been plaguing the seas for the past twenty years, and you only left me five years ago," pointed out Sally.

"I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks," replied Sonic as another burst of flame suddenly popped out, causing him to move Sally aside as he continued: "You see, what said before about saying 'please' was true. This intrigued Shadow, as did my descriptions of your beauty." At this point, Sonic suddenly cut through several more vines as he continued speaking: "Finally, Shadow reached a decision: 'All right, Sonic,' he said. 'I've never had a valet before, but you can try being mine for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' Three years, that was all he'd ever say to me: 'Good work today, Sonic. Sleep well; I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was actually some of the best years of my life, aside from working on your family's farm, of course. I was learning how to fence, fight, anything anyone was willing to teach me. Shadow and I eventually became good friends. And then it happened…"

"What?" asked Sally interested.

"Well, Shadow had grown so rich, he wanted to retire," Sonic explained as he began carrying the squirrel across a tree branch above some swamp water. "So one day, he took me to his cabin and told me his secret: 'I am not the Dread Pirate Shadow' he said. 'My name is Stitch. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Shadow just as you are about to inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Shadow, either. His name was Jack Sparrow. The real Shadow has been retired for fifteen years, though I've since heard rumors that he's been talked out of retirement and now serves as first mate on a supposedly-'cursed' ship called _The Black Pokeball_.' He then went on to explain that it was the NAME that inspired the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Sonic, of course." At this point, they had finished crossing the branch and Sonic let Sally down as he finished his story: "We shared ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and Stitch stayed on board a while as first mate, all the while calling me 'Shadow.' Once the crew was convinced, he left the ship, and I've been Shadow ever since. It's actually quite a comfortable racket for somebody looking to make a relatively quick reputation, land a good score or two, and retire peacefully. Except now that we're together again, I shall retire and hand the name over to somebody else. Do you understand?"

Sally nodded in reply and was just about to continue moving when suddenly, the ground she was under gave way as the squirrel fell into deep quicksand. "SONIC!" Sally screamed as she disappeared into the sand.

Thinking fast, Sonic suddenly cut at a nearby vine, grabbing the end of it as he leapt into the quicksand after Sally. For a while, there was no sign of movement at all. Then, suddenly, a giant rat-like Pokémon with brown fur, a white underbelly, sharp fangs, and whiskers approached the quicksand, sniffing it as it went away.

A few seconds later, Sonic finally burst out of the quicksand, Sally over his shoulders as he used the vine to pull the two of them over onto solid ground as unseen by him, the giant rat-like Pokémon watched hungrily.

Sonic soon placed Sally against a nearby tree, cleaning the sand from her face, when suddenly he heard a growling noise and looked up to see the rat-like Pokémon glaring down at them. "We'll never succeed," groaned Sally.

"No, we've already succeeded," the hedgehog countered reassuringly as another one of the rat-like Pokémon appeared, staring just as hungrily. Sonic soon picked Sally up and began walking away with her as he continued: "What are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? The flame spurts, there's a popping noise before each one, we can avoid that. The lightning sand, you were clever enough to discover what that looks like on your own, so we can avoid that in the future."

"But Sonic," pointed out Sally. "What about the R.O.U.S.'s?"

"Raticates of Unusual Size?" replied Sonic nonchalantly. "I don't think they really exist-" At that moment one of the Raticates suddenly lunged at Sonic, knocking him to the ground and pinning the hedgehog. It soon sank its fangs into Sonic's shoulder, causing the hedgehog to groan in pain as he punched the Raticate in the face, causing the Pokémon to roll off him.

Sonic attempted to reach for his sword, but the Raticate was soon back on top of him. After a bit of a struggle, Sonic finally flipped the Pokémon clear, causing the Raticate to instead turn and charge towards Sally. However, using some respectable hand-to-hand combat skills, Sally was able to fight off the giant Pokémon, commenting to the "camera": "Hey, come on. I know Buttercup tried to use a big stick for this (and wasn't as effective as I was here), but minor differences are not only allowed, but encouraged."

Meanwhile, Sonic, having retrieved his sword, now leapt onto the Raticate's back, causing the Pokémon to once again turn on Sonic. Once again pinning the hedgehog, the rodent soon sunk his fangs deeper into Sonic's shoulder as Sonic and Sally suddenly heard a familiar popping noise. In desperation, Sonic soon rolled the Raticate over to the popping sound just as a flame spurt suddenly burst out, causing the Raticate to burst into flames. Grabbing his sword, Sonic soon stabbed the Raticate of Unusual Size several times before it finally collapsed, dead. A weakened Sonic soon smiled at Sally, both relieved about the danger having passed.

* * *

After the Raticate of Unusual Size had been killed, it wasn't long until Sonic and Sally found themselves at the Fire Swamp's exit with a beach just beyond. "We did it!" gasped Sally disbelievingly.

"See, now was that so terrible?" Sonic chuckled in reply as the two of them approached the exit. However, just then, Prince Bowser Jr. suddenly appeared with several Cartoonian soldiers at his side, Count Dan prominent among them. Next to them was a chained and handcuffed Dr. Drakken, who glared at the two of them.

"Surrender!" the young Koopa ordered, blocking Sonic and Sally's only way out.

"You mean _you_ wish to surrender to _me_?" Sonic replied sarcastically. "Very well, then, I accept."

"I give you full marks for bravery," Jr. growled. "Don't make yourself a fool."

"Ah, but how will you catch us?" Sonic countered. "We've lived happily in the Fire Swamp for quite some time now, so we know all its secrets. Feel free to visit whenever you feel like dying."

"I warn you again to surrender," advised Jr. From behind Sonic, Sally suddenly saw several Cartoonian soldiers aiming their crossbows towards Sonic, the hedgehog seemingly unaware of their presence.

"Not happening, Mac!" the hedgehog replied, taking out his sword.

"For the last time, SURRENDER!" ordered Bowser Jr.

"DEATH FIRST!" Sonic countered as Jr.'s soldiers took aim.

"Will you promise not to hurt him?" Sally suddenly shouted out, leaping between the archers and their target.

"What was that?" Prince Jr. asked confused.

"What was that?" Sonic asked, equally confused.

Sally soon approached between both Jr. and Sonic. "If we surrender," she began towards the Koopa, "and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this hedgehog?"

"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again," promised Jr., hand over his heart.

Sally stared at Sonic. "I once thought you were dead and it nearly destroyed me," the squirrel explained. "If I could save you from dying again, then I would gladly do it." Sonic only stared at her silently in reply as Sally turned now to Jr.: "He is a sailor on the pirate ship _Revenge_. Promise to return him to his ship."

"I swear it will be done," promised Jr. However, he soon turned to Count Dan, whispering to him silently: "Once we're out of sight, take him and Blue Boy back to Cartoonia and throw him in the Pit of Despair."

"I swear it will be done," promised Dan, his words mocking what Jr. had just said to Sally. With that, Jr. soon rode over to Sally and swept her onto his horse and began galloping away, Sonic staring after them as Dan's men grabbed Sonic and brought him before the muscular ghost. "Come now, friend. We must get you to your ship," chuckled Dan.

Sonic stared at Dan. "We are men of action, Mac. Lies really don't become of us."

"Well said," Dan replied. Sonic suddenly noticed the DP symbol on Dan's outfit and remembered what Danny had said about the ghost who had murdered his father burning his emblem into Danny's chest. Could this be the same ghost? Looking up, Sonic saw that Dan indeed possessed a forked tongue. "What are you staring at?" the ghost hissed.

Sonic suddenly grinned, as if he knew something Dan didn't. "You have a forked tongue, Ghost," the hedgehog explained. "I just met someone who was looking for you." In response, Dan suddenly fired an ecto-blast at Sonic, sending the hedgehog into unconsciousness.

* * *

I'm still angry at the fact that most of these reviewers seem to be in support of the moronic troll Flea Dip. However, I will not allow him to bad-mouth one of the very authors who inspired me to go into fanfiction in the first place. Read and Review, and Flea Dip, now that I've shown my support for JusSonic, I dare you to flame me in reply. C'mon, I _double dog dare ya_!

Sonic's comment about the original Dread Pirate Shadow (who is, obviously, Shadow the Hedgehog) now serving aboard a "cursed" ship called _The Black Pokeball_ is a reference to my forthcoming fanmakes of the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ trilogy, which take place in the same continuity as _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_.


	8. Chapter 7: Sally's Nightmare

Well, it's been a real long time since I last updated this story now, hasn't it? Well, anyway, here it is: the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, where we discover Jr.'s intended fate for Sonic and who hired Drakken to kidnap Sally in the first place, so sit back and here we go!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Sally's Nightmare**

When Sonic regained consciousness, he found himself lying chained to a table in an underground pit filled with flickering torches and an ominous-looking waterwheel off to the side. As the hedgehog continued gazing at his surroundings, he was soon approached by a fourteen-year-old boy with pale white skin, red spiky hair, yellow goggles with spirals under them, gothic marks under his eyes, black boots, black pants, a red tank top with a Frankenstein head on it covered by a long black jacket, and a backpack that looked like a face carrying a tray of food and medication. His name was Jack Spicer.

"Where am I?" Sonic asked Jack as the pale-skinned boy placed down the tray next to the hedgehog.

"The Pit of Despair," the Goth answered in a high squeaky voice as he began tending to Sonic's wounds from his fight with the R.O.U.S. "Don't even think about-" At this moment, Jack began coughing a bit before continuing to speak in a slightly deeper voice. "Sorry about that. Had a bit of a sore throat last week. Anyway, don't even think about trying to escape. Those chains holding you are far too thick. Don't think about being rescued, either. The only way in here's secret and only Prince Jr., Count Dan, and I know how to get in."

"So I'm supposed to be kept here until I die?" replied Sonic.

"Until they get bored of you and decide to kill you, yeah," answered Jack.

"Then why are they bothering to have you cure me?" wondered Sonic.

"Standard procedure," Jack explained. "Count Dan Phantom insists that all prisoners must be at full strength before being broken."

"So it's to be torture, then?" asked Sonic, to which Jack simply nodded in reply. "Good. I can cope with torture."

"Oh, you'll be singing a different tune soon enough," smirked Jack.

"Oh, please, Mac. I've had worse torture putting up with Amy Rose," quipped Sonic. "That gal WILL NOT take 'no' for an answer. She's like Miss Piggy concerning Kermit the Frog, except EVEN WORSE."

"Look, pal, I'm only telling this for your own good!" Jack burst out angrily towards his prisoner. "You survived the Fire Swamp, so you must be very brave…" At this point, the pale-skinned boy's face took on an ominous hue. "…but NOBODY withstands The Machine!" At this point, Jack turned away from Sonic, leaving the hedgehog to contemplate his current predicament.

* * *

Back at Cartoonia Castle, Sally was passing down a corridor in the castle in a detached, emotionless sort of way. She soon moved silently past Prince Bowser Jr. and Count Dan Phantom, who were approaching from an intersecting corridor.

"She's been this way ever since the Fire Swamp," Jr. explained to Dan. "It's King Dad's failing health that's upsetting her, no doubt." Dan only nodded in reply as they moved on.

"_Bowser died that very night,"_ narrated Abe as the scene soon changed to a nighttime view of Cartoonia Castle. _"And before the following dawn, Sally and Jr. were married."_ The scene soon changed to the same city square facing Cartoonia Castle as before as Grandpa continued his narration. _"And at noon, she soon met her subjects again, this time as their Queen…"_

On the castle balcony, Jr., Dan, and Namine soon appeared, Namine wearing a black veil over her face as Jr. began speaking: "My father's final words were-"

* * *

"Hold it, Grandpa!" interrupted Bart as the scene immediately switched back to his room. "Now I KNOW that you definitely read that part wrong. Sally's not supposed to marry Jr.; she's supposed to marry Sonic. After all that Sonic did for her, if she didn't marry him, it wouldn't be fair."

"Well, who says life is fair?" replied Homer sarcastically. "What are you, the Fair Police? Life's not fair, Boy, so get over it! It's like I'm always telling you kids: You can't fight City Hall, aka Blockoland, so don't even try!"

"Look, Dad, I'm telling you: Grandpa's messing up the story, and I want him to get it right!" exclaimed Bart.

"Hey, do you want my old man to go on with this or not?" Homer asked sarcastically.

"Yes," responded Bart sheepishly.

"All right then," replied Grandpa. "No more interruptions. _From either of ya's_!" he added, glaring at Homer and Bart as he went back to his place: _"…At noon, she soon met her subjects again, this time as their Queen…"_

* * *

On the castle balcony, Jr., Dan, and Namine soon appeared, Namine wearing a black veil over her face as Jr. began speaking: "My father's final words were 'Love her as I have loved her, and there will be joy.' I now present to you your Queen: Queen Sally Acorn!" At that moment, the royal trumpeters began playing as Sally once again appeared in the castle gate as before. Once again, all of her new subjects began bowing before her as she approached them, but this time, a loud booing could be heard through the crowd as an elderly yellow-skinned woman named Agnes Skinner forced her way through the crowd, continuing to boo at Sally.

"Why do you do this?" the squirrel wondered surprised.

"Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up for Lizard-Lips over there!" shouted Agnes, gesturing angrily towards Bowser Jr.

"But they would have killed Sonic if I hadn't done it-" Sally began to explain.

"Your true love _lives_, and yet you go and marry another!" Agnes replied scathingly. She soon turned to the rest of the crowd as she continued: "True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage! And that's what she is, really: The Queen of Refuge! So go on, bow to her if you want! Bow to her! Bow to the Queen of Slime, of Filth, of Putrescence! Boo! Boo!" Agnes continued booing as she suddenly reached her withered hands towards a frightened Sally's throat…

* * *

Sally gasped as she soon woke up from her nightmare. Grabbing a robe, she soon began hurrying out of her bedchamber.

"_It was ten days to the wedding, the King still lived, but Sally's nightmares were getting worse…"_ narrated Abe as Sally continued running for Jr.'s chambers.

"_See, Dad, Grandpa, I'm smart enough to know that she'd NEVER marry that rotten Jr.," _smirked Bart.

"_Yes, we're dirty, stinking, rotten liars,"_ replied Homer sarcastically. _"Now shut up, Boy!"_

At that moment, Sally burst into Jr.'s chambers, as the young Koopa was speaking to Count Dan. "It comes down to this," the squirrel began. "I love Sonic. I always have and I know now I always will. So if you tell me that I must marry you in ten days, then I must let you know that I'll be dead by morning."

For a minute, Prince Bowser Jr. just stood there completely shocked at this announcement. Finally, he spoke: "My Dear, I could never cause you grief…consider our wedding off, if you must." He soon turned to Dan. "Did you return the Hedgehog to his ship?"

"I did," the ghost responded.

"Then we will simply alert him and inform him of this development," decided Jr. He soon turned to Sally. "Are you certain he still wants you, though? Keep in mind it was YOU that left HIM back in the Fire Swamp. Not to mention he's a pirate, a profession quite known for not keeping their word."

"My Sonic will always come for me," replied Sally with a great deal of certainty.

"Very well, then," decided Jr. "I suggest a deal: You will write four copies of a letter, which I will then send on my four fastest ships, one in each direction. The Dread Pirate Shadow is usually known to be near the Cartoonia Channel this time of year. We'll raise the white flag and deliver your message. If Sonic wants you back, then bless you both. If not…then will you at least consider me an alternative to suicide?" he asked. After a moment, Sally nodded in reply.

* * *

Later that morning, Jr. and Dan were walking about in the woods. "Your Princess is certainly a most appealing creature," the ghost was saying. "Simple, yes, but at the same time, her appeal is quite undeniable."

"I know, the people are quite taken with her," agreed Jr. He soon stopped. "You know, it's quite ironic: When I hired Dr. Drakken to kidnap and murder her on our engagement day, I thought THAT was brilliant. But his failure means that I'm going to find it that much more moving when I _personally_ strangle her on our wedding night. Once Toonburg is blamed for it, on top with my tariffs on their goods, the people will DEMAND we go to war with them. And with our victory, we will finally have complete control over the Cartoonia Channel!"

"An impressive plan, my Prince," agreed Count Dan. "And a much better motive for going to war than Humperdinck's actual motive in the book, might I add?"

"I know, I mean going to war simply because their Princess is bald?" smirked Jr. "_Stupid_!" At that moment the Koopa and ghost reached a grove filled with heavily-knotted trees. Dan soon approached one of the trees.

"Now where is that secret knot?" the muscular ghost muttered to himself. "It's almost always impossible for me to find it." At that moment however, Dan finally found the knot he was looking for and pressed it, causing the trunk to open and reveal a staircase leading down into it. He soon turned towards Jr.: "Do you want to come down? Sonic's finally gotten his strength back and I'm starting him on The Machine tonight. Thought you might want to watch your fiancée's love suffer."

"Dan, my friend, you now how much I love watching you work, and the thought of having it come at Sonic's expense is almost too good to refuse," began Jr. "But I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Toonburg to frame for it. I'm swamped."

Count Dan smiled sympathetically at his co-conspirator. "Well then, I suggest you get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." With that, Dan hurried down the stairs as the trunk slid back into place. With that, Jr. began heading back to the castle, forming an evil plan to deal with Sally once and for all.

* * *

Well, I must admit, it feels good to be writing again. Once again, I thank all of you for being patient with me for those over nine months when I wasn't updating any of my stories. Read and Review, and give me your thoughts so far.

Homer's comment about not being able to fight City Hall, aka Blockoland, comes from _The Simpsons_ Season 12 episode "Hungry, Hungry Homer."

In William Goldman's novel _The Princess Bride_, the reason Prince Humperdinck wants to go to war with Guilder is because their Princess (his first choice for a wife before Buttercup) turns out to be wearing a wig to cover up her bald head.


	9. Chapter 8: Danny and the Hulk Reunited

Well, folks, it's been a while again since you've heard from me, but here's the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, where we finally learn more about Count Dan's mysterious "Machine" and finally catch up with two certain characters we met earlier, so here's hoping you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Danny and the Hulk Reunited**

In Sonic's cell, Count Dan was preparing the heroic hedgehog for the Machine. It was an enormous-looking contraption with levers, wheels, wires, a dial with the numbers 1 to 50 on it, and a floodgate attached to the top of the Machine. As Jack began attaching suction cups attached to the ends of the wires to Sonic's body, the muscular flame-haired ghost gazed down at his prisoner.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Dan asked Sonic, gesturing to the Machine. The hedgehog only glared at Dan in reply as the ghost continued speaking: "It took me over half a lifetime to finish it. I'm certain by now, you've realized my deep and abiding interest in pain. I actually intend to write the book on it one day, so I want you to be completely honest with how the Machine makes you feel. Since this is our first try, I think I'll use the lowest setting," he finished as he adjusted the dial towards "1" and opened the floodgate.

Immediately, water began pouring down the chute, turning the wheels of the Machine as they began going faster and faster. Lying on the table, it was all Sonic could do not to scream out in pain as he began flailing and thrashing, trying to escape his restraints. After about a minute, Dan finally switched off the Machine, leaving Sonic panting and gasping for breath.

"Now you see why out of all of my weaker self's Rogues Gallery, _I_ was the one who got the Count Rugen role," the muscular ghost explained to Sonic. "Unlike that Old Cheesehead Plasmius, I actually thrive off of causing this sort of pain." He then picked up a notebook and pen, turning to an empty page as he continued: "As you might know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, that's really all this is, only instead of sucking out water, I'm sucking out life force. I've just drained away a year of your life force," he continued, grinning at the stunned Sonic. "I might one day go has high as five, but I've no idea what that would do to a person, as none of my previous prisoners have ever lasted beyond three without their minds being broken. So, let's just start with what we have. Tell me what did this do to you. And do remember: this is for posterity, so be honest with how you feel."

Sonic, in such terrible pain from having a year's worth of his life force sucked away from him, for once in his life didn't have a snappy reply to give to his opponent. Instead, he could only look at Count Dan in deep anguish before tears began running down the hedgehog's cheeks. Dan, noticing this, watched the tears for a moment before beginning to write.

* * *

In Prince Bowser Jr.'s chambers inside Cartoonia Castle, the Koopa was busy looking over piles of paper in his desk when a giant whale-like alien wearing a sleeveless black jumpsuit with red stripes on the side entered. This was Captain Gantu, the head of the Cartoonia Royal Guard. "You sent for me, my Prince?" Gantu asked, bowing.

Jr. grinned malevolently. Now was the time to enact the next stage of his plan to eliminate Sally. "Captain," he began, "I've just received word that the Toonburgers who masterminded my bride's kidnapping on our engagement day are planning to infiltrate the Thieves' Forest and murder her on our wedding night."

"You'll have to forgive me, my Prince," Gantu spoke up, "but my spy network has received no word of such news." At that moment, the two immediately broke off their conversation as Sally entered Jr.'s chambers.

"Any word from Sonic?" the squirrel asked.

Jr. turned to his fiancé before shaking his head in silent amusement. "It's too soon, my dear," the Koopa replied with the tone of a teacher explaining a simple math problem to one of his students. "You must have patience."

"He will come for me," Sally replied in an assured tone.

"Of course," Jr. said skeptically as Sally left his chambers. Once she had left, he grabbed Gantu by the shirt as he continued their earlier conversation: "She will NOT be murdered! On the day of the wedding, I want you to have the Thieves' Forest emptied and their inhabitants arrested."

"Many of the thieves will resist," the whale-like alien explained. "My regular troops will be unable to contend with so many criminals."

"THEN FORM A BRUTE SQUAD, THEN!" Jr. shouted to the head of the guards. "I want the Thieves' Forest emptied before our wedding!"

"It won't be easy, my Prince," Gantu admitted.

"Try ruling the world sometime," Jr. smirked in reply.

* * *

The scene soon switched to the day of Sally and Jr.'s wedding as several thuggish-looking brutes were rounding up the inhabitants of the Thieves' Forest and tossing them into paddy wagons.

"_The day of the wedding had arrived,"_ narrated Abe. _"Gantu and the rest of the Brute Squad had their hands full carrying out Jr.'s orders…"_

A white snow leopard named Tai Lung soon approached Gantu driving one of the paddy wagons. "Did you get everyone out?" the Captain of the Guards asked.

"Almost," Tai Lung replied. "There's a ghost giving us trouble at one of the alehouses."

"Well, then, I suggest you give him some trouble," Gantu responded as he whipped the horse driving the paddy wagon, causing it to start driving away.

Nearby, Danny Phantom was standing in the doorway of the alehouse, drunk and wielding his sword at an unseen opponent. "I'm waiting for you, Drakken," he called out drunkenly to his boss. "You always told me and Hulk to go back to the beginning. So I have. And this is where I will stay. I will not be moved." He soon took out a bottle of brandy and took a long chug from it.

As Danny put down the bottle, Tai Lung soon approached the ghost. "You there!" the Brute shouted out.

"I told the rest of you Brutes before: I'm not budging," Danny glared at Tai Lung, wielding his sword dangerously at the snow leopard.

"Sorry, but Prince Jr. gave us orders-" Tai Lung began.

"Drakken gave us orders too!" interrupted Danny. "Whenever a job went wrong, we were supposed to go back to the beginning! This is where Drakken, Hulk, and I got the job! This is the beginning, so I'm staying until Drakken and Hulk come back!"

Tai Lung soon gestured to an approaching Brute on the other side of Danny. "You! Brute! Come here!" he ordered.

"I am waiting for Dr. Drakken," Danny explained, fed up with the Brute.

"He ain't coming back, so quit your yakkin'," a familiar voice said in reply as a giant green hand clasped itself onto Danny's shoulder. Looking up, the ghost found himself staring into the smiling face of the Hulk. "Hello," the green monster said to his friend.

"Is it really you?" Danny asked disbelievingly.

"To answer 'yes' to that question would be true," the Hulk grinned in reply. Just then, Tai Lung lunged towards Danny, only for the Hulk to hit the snow leopard with one swing of his fists, sending Tai Lung crashing into one of the hovel's walls where he collapsed to the ground. Hulk soon looked down at Danny again. "You don't look so good," the monster observed. He then took a whiff of his ghostly friend's breath. "You don't smell so good either."

"Please," Danny slurred drunkenly in reply. "I feel fine." Believing his friend, Hulk soon let go of Danny, only for the ghost to faint as soon as he was released.

* * *

"_And so, Danny and the Hulk were reunited,"_ explained Grandpa as the scene soon switched to the inside of the alehouse as the Hulk began feeding the ghost some stew. _"And as the Hulk nursed his inebriated friend back to health, he told Danny about Drakken's arrest and the discovery of Count Dan Phantom, the fork-tongued ghost. Considering Danny's lifelong search for his fellow ghost, he took the news surprisingly well…"_ he continued as Danny collapsed right into his stew.

The scene soon switched to Hulk plunging Danny's head into alternating tubs of hot and cold water as Abe continued his narration: _"Hulk went to great pains in reviving Danny…"_

After the Hulk had done this several times, Danny soon thrust his head out of the tub of hot water, screaming. "Enough!" the ghost shouted. He then turned towards the Hulk: "Where is this Count Dan Phantom so that I may kill him?"

"With Prince Bowser Jr. in his palace," the monster explained. "But the castle gate is guarded by three thousand men. The Prince is worried that whoever hired us to kidnap the Princess before is going to try again."

"That's something that's bothered me ever since Drakken had us take that job: who was it that hired us," Danny pondered. "Someone wanted Toonburg blamed for the Princess' death once Drakken had killed her, and who would want war with Toonburg more than the tariff-imposing Prince Bowser Jr. himself? Clearly when Toonburg wouldn't go to war with Cartoonia over his tariffs, he needed to frame them for a horrendous crime that would get the people of Cartoonia thirsty for their blood."

"I've come to the same conclusion myself," agreed the Hulk. "But it still doesn't change the problem of getting past the guards."

"True," replied the ghost. He then turned to the Hulk: "How many do you think you could take while still maintaining enough control over your rage to not be a danger to innocent bystanders?"

"It's a tough call," the Hulk admitted, "but probably not more than a thousand."

"Which would leave TWO thousand for ME," added Danny, "which, even for MY ghost powers, would be more than pushing it." He then sank into a chair. "I always counted on Drakken for these sorts of strategies…"

"But Drakken's in jail," pointed out the Hulk.

At that moment, a wild look came into Danny's eyes as he suddenly came up with an idea: "No, not Drakken. I need his superior. I need the Hedgehog in Black!"

"What?" the Hulk asked in confusion.

Danny soon turned to his friend as he explained: "Look, he bested you with strength, your greatness; he bested me in one-on-one combat; he must have out-thought Drakken, and while that's not saying much, anybody who can do that after being put through two brutal fights can plan a castle onslaught any day!" The ghost soon leapt up from the chair as he headed for the doorway. "Let's go!"

"Where?" asked the Hulk.

"To find the Hedgehog in Black, obviously," his companion replied gleefully.

"But we don't even know where he is!" the Hulk pointed out.

"Don't bother me with trifles!" interrupted Danny, a look of mad glee on his face. "After fifteen long years, my father's soul will finally be able to move on! There will be blood tonight!"

* * *

Boy, does it always feel good to get back to writing after these long hiatuses. Can't say when I'll update next, but I promise it won't take me over a year for an update again. Read and Review, and give me your thoughts so far.


	10. Chapter 9: Le Morte D'Sonic

All right, folks, it's time for the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_. It's also with a somewhat heavy heart that I post this chapter due to the death yesterday of Peter "Lt. Colombo" Falk, who played the grandfather in the original _Princess Bride_. RIP, Peter Falk, your unique methods of crime-solving and reading stories to sick grandchildren will be sorely missed.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Le Morte D'Sonic**

In Prince Bowser Jr.'s chambers, the young Koopa was busy looking over maps of Toonburg while sharpening one of his hunting knives he was intending to use on Sally on their wedding night when Gantu approached, bowing. "Captain, rise and report," Jr. ordered.

"The Thieves' Forest has finally been emptied, although none of them have admitted to any plots to assassinate the Princess," the whale-like alien explained. "However, I have stationed three thousand men around the castle gate just to be safe."

"Double it," ordered Jr. "My Princess must be kept safe at all costs."

"Don't worry, my Prince," replied Gantu reassuringly. "The gate only has one key, and I carry that," he explained, taking out said key for Jr. to see. Just then, Sally entered Jr.'s chambers.

"Ah, my beloved!" Jr. exclaimed happily upon seeing Sally. "Tonight, we marry." He soon turned to Gantu as he continued: "Captain, tomorrow, yours and Count Dan's men will escort us to the Cartoonia Channel, where every ship in King Dad's armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon."

"Every ship but your four fastest you mean," corrected Sally. "The ones you sent to contact Sonic." Prince Bowser Jr. stared blankly for a minute before the memory of his earlier words to Sally suddenly came to him.

"Of course, my darling, of course!" Jr. chuckled nervously. "I certainly didn't mean those four!" Realizing that his Prince had just been caught in a lie to his fiancé, Gantu wisely chose to make his exit to avoid getting caught in any argument between the two, bowing to Sally and Jr. as he left.

As the head of the Royal Guard left Jr.'s chambers, Sally stared at the young Koopa intensely. "You never sent the ships, did you?" the squirrel asked accusingly. Jr. attempted to open his mouth, but Sally interrupted him before any words could come out: "Don't bother lying. It doesn't matter. Sonic will come for me anyway."

"You're a silly girl," replied Jr., the scorn evident in his voice.

"Yes, I am a silly girl," agreed Sally, "for not seeing sooner that you were nothing more than a coward with a heart full of fear."

"I would not say such things if I were you," said Jr. warningly. _No one_ called the Prince a coward and got away with it.

"Why not? You can't hurt me," replied Sally scathingly. "Sonic and I are joined by the bonds of love, something YOU could never track, even with a thousand bloodhounds. And you can't break it, either, not even with a thousand swords. And when I say you're a coward, it is only because you're the slimiest weakling to ever crawl the earth-"

Before Sally could continue chewing out Jr., the Koopa suddenly grabbed her by the hair and began dragging her from his chambers. "I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU!" the Koopa repeated in a maddened tone as he tossed his fiancé into her bedchambers, locking the door behind him before running for the Pit of Despair…

* * *

Inside the Pit of Despair, Sonic was still strapped to the Machine as Count Dan continued adding notes to his notebook. Suddenly, Jr. burst into the room, heading down to Sonic in a fury.

"She truly loves you, and so the two of you might have been truly happy," Jr. snarled at the hedgehog. "There aren't many couples in a century who have that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so, I think _nobody_ in a century will suffer _as greatly as you will_!" as he opened the Machine's floodgates, setting the dial to its highest setting.

"No! Not to fifty!" protested Count Dan, not wanting to lose a potential torture victim to give information for his book. But it was too late, as water once again began pouring down the chute and turning the wheels of the Machine, causing Sonic to scream in terrible agony as it continued to grow louder and louder. This scream was so loud, even Gantu and his Brutes stationed outside the Castle and Sally in her bedchambers could hear the hedgehog's screaming, and they all shuddered in fear as they heard it.

* * *

In a nearby village to Cartoonia Castle, Danny and the Hulk were making their way through a crowd of people when Sonic's scream hit the village, causing many of the people to look around in fear as they heard it. Danny however, immediately turned to the Hulk: "Hulk, listen: That is the sound of Ultimate Suffering. My heart made that sound fifteen years ago when Dan Phantom slaughtered my father. The Hedgehog in Black makes that sound now."

"The Hedgehog in Black? How can you be sure?" the Hulk asked confused.

"His true love is marrying another tonight," pointed out Danny. "What else could be a greater cause for Ultimate Suffering than this?" With that, Danny continued trying to make his way through the crowd, but it was too thick for the ghost to get through. "Hulk, if you'd please?" the ghost requested.

"All right," the green monster replied before shouting at the crowd: "EVERYBODY MOVE!" With that, the startled crowd began making way for Danny and the Hulk as they continued making their way to wherever Sonic was located.

* * *

In the grove of heavily-knotted trees that hid the entrance to the Pit of Despair, Jack came from the entrance pushing a wheelbarrow when Danny suddenly emerged, pushing his sword at the Goth's chest. "Where is the Hedgehog in Black?" the ghost questioned.

"Sorry, pal, you're not getting anything from me," Jack smirked in reply.

Danny pointed to the wheelbarrow. "You got that from this grove, didn't you?" When the boy genius refused to answer, Danny turned to the Hulk, hidden in the shadows of the trees. "Hulk, jog his memory."

The Hulk soon emerged from the trees, cracking his knuckles threateningly. Upon catching sight of the green monster, Jack screamed like a little girl before going into a dead faint. "Sorry, Danny, I didn't mean to jog it so hard," apologized the Hulk, staring at the unconscious Goth's body. Danny, however, paid no attention to the Hulk as he suddenly took his sword and got into a meditative position. "Danny?" asked the Hulk in confusion.

Danny continued ignoring the Hulk as he began speaking: "Father, for fifteen years, I have failed you. Now, our misery can finally be avenged. Somewhere close by is a hedgehog who can help us, but I cannot find him alone. I need you to guide my sword to him. Please," prayed Danny as he got up, eyes still closed. "Guide my sword." With that, Danny suddenly began moving, sword extended, to the tree which housed the entrance to the Pit of Despair, the Hulk following in amazement.

Soon, Danny reached the tree as the sword pressed against the knot that Dan had used to open the entrance earlier. However, when the ghost opened his eyes, nothing had happened. Sighing in despair, Danny collapsed against the knot, causing it to open the trunk and reveal the staircase. Danny and the Hulk just stared at each other in amazement before heading down into the Pit of Despair.

At the bottom of the staircase, the ghost and monster soon found the lifeless body of Sonic with Jr. and Dan nowhere in sight. Hulk soon leaned over Sonic's body, listening for a heartbeat. After a minute, he looked at Danny, shaking his head. "He's dead," the monster explained.

Danny sighed as he looked down at Sonic's body. "It's just not fair," the ghost said.

* * *

"Wait, Grandpa!" interrupted Bart as the scene switched back to his room. "What did Hulk mean, 'he's dead'? I mean he didn't mean 'dead' dead, right? Sonic's only faking, right?" Abe and Homer only stared silently at each other in reply.

"What have I said about interruptions?" asked Grandpa finally. "Do you want me to continue this, or not?"

"Who gets Jr.?" Bart asked aggressively.

"What do you mean, Boy?" asked Homer in confusion.

"Who kills Prince Bowser Jr.?" repeated Bart. "In the end, somebody's got to do it. Is it Danny? Who?"

"Nobody kills him," explained Grandpa. "He lives."

"You mean the bad guy wins? Geeze, Grandpa! What did you read this thing to me for?" Bart shouted annoyed.

"Hey!" interrupted Homer. "Just because the bad guy survives doesn't mean he wins. Lots of bad guys have lost without dying: Lady Tremaine, Captain Hook, Cruella De Vil, Brer Fox, Hades, Prince John, Yzma, Jafar (although he technically died in the sequel)."

"Is this the reason you ended up so messed up, Dad?" Bart scowled, pointing to _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_.

Abe sighed. "You know, Bart, you're still very sick and taking this story too seriously. I think we'd better stop now," he added as he got up to leave.

"No! I'm okay, sit down, all right?" Bart interrupted hastily.

"Yeah, come on, Dad, we're reaching the best part of the story now!" agreed Homer. "You can't just stop now!"

"Okay," Grandpa replied submissively, sitting back down and opening the book again. "Now where were we again? Ah, yes, in the Pit of Despair…"

* * *

Back in the story, Danny continued staring at Sonic's body before speaking: "Well, my father taught me never to take defeat so easily. Come along, Hulk, and bring the body."

"What do you have planned?" the green monster asked.

"Do you have any money?" his friend said in reply.

"I have a little," the Hulk answered.

Danny sighed. "Let's just hope then it will be enough to pay for a certain former boy genius with a secret laboratory to give us a miracle," he said as he headed back up the staircase, the Hulk carrying Sonic's body behind him.

* * *

It seems a shame that I should have to publish the chapter about Sonic's death the day after Peter Falk dies. Ah, well, at least it's a fitting dedication to him anyway. Read and Review, and give me your thoughts so far.


	11. Chapter 10: Dexter, Former Boy Genius

Actually, Anonymous But Interested, after this one, there's still about three chapters left to go. Anyway, here's the next chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, featuring the character playing the one-scene wonder Miracle Max, so here's hoping you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Dexter, Former Boy Genius**

Danny and the Hulk soon brought Sonic's body to a thatched hut in the middle of the woods. Danny began knocking on the door, causing a thickly-accented elderly voice to begin shouting from the other side.

"Go away!" the voice shouted. Danny, however, continued knocking on the door, causing a small elderly man with wrinkly skin, flabby arms, thick white eyebrows, a bald cone-shaped head with a thick patch of white hair on the back and a pair of liver spots on the side, and wearing a white lab coat, purple gloves, black boots, glasses, and carrying a brown cane to poke his head out from behind a sliding latch in the door. "What do you want?"

"Are you the Dexter, Boy Genius who worked for King Bowser as a miracle worker all those years ago?" asked Danny.

"First of all, I'm not so much of a BOY gen-i-us anymore," answered Dexter. "And second, the King's stoopid son fired me, thank you for breenging up such a pain-ful subject. Why don't you geeve me a nice paper cut and pour lemon jooce een eet while you're at eet? I'm retired!" With that, Dexter slammed the latch way shut, only for Danny to begin knocking on the door again causing Dexter to once again open it up. "You again? Beat it, or I'll call the Broote Squad!"

"I'm on the Brute Squad," replied the Hulk.

"Oh, you're on the Broote Squad, eh?" wheezed Dexter, sizing up the Hulk.

"Look," interrupted Danny, "we're in need of one of your 'miracle cures' right now and it's very important."

"I told you, Sonny Boy, I'm retired!" Dexter yelled at the ghost. "Besides, why do you need some-bod-y the King's stoopid son fired een the first place? I might kill whoever you need me to help."

"That's not a problem," answered Danny. "He's already dead."

"Already dead, eh?" asked Dexter. "Breeng heem down to my la-bor-a-tory and I'll have a look." With that, the elderly genius opened the door to the hut to let Danny and the Hulk in. The trio soon walked down a descending staircase into a high-tech laboratory where the Hulk placed Sonic's body onto an examination table as Dexter approached him. The old man soon picked up Sonic's arm and let it go as it fell back onto the table with a thud. "I've seen worse," Dexter said as he resumed examining the hedgehog's body.

"Excuse me sir," interrupted Danny after Dexter had examined Sonic's body for about a minute. "We're in a terrible rush here, so would you mind speeding this up a bit?"

"Don't rush me, Sonny Boy!" Dexter scolded at the ghost. "You rush a miracle worker, you get rotten miracles." He soon looked up at the ghost and monster. "Speaking of which, how much money do you've got on you?"

Danny and the Hulk soon took out their money and began counting it up. "Sixty-five," the ghost finally answered.

Upon hearing this, Dexter sighed and looked at Danny and the Hulk. "Sheesh. Look, Sonny Boy, my prices are usually more than twice what you have on you. The ONLY time I EVER worked as cheaply as you suggested was for a truly noble cause, and that was een my SLIGHTLY less cyn-i-cal days."

"Well, reviving this hedgehog would be a truly noble cause," replied Danny.

"Oh, really?" said Dexter, looking at the ghost skeptically.

"His wife is crippled and his children are on the brink of starvation," lied Danny.

"You're a rotteen liar," said Dexter sarcastically, the older man going back to his work.

"I need him to help avenge my father," explained Danny. "Murdered fifteen years ago."

"Your first story was better," Dexter replied, looking around the lab. "Where's that bellows cram?" the former boy genius muttered to himself. "You probably only want heem re-vived because he owes you money, right? I'll ask heem myself."

"How can you?" asked Danny. "He's dead; he can't talk."

"Well, look who thinks he's more of a gen-i-us than me, eh?" replied Dexter sarcastically as he finally located the bellows cram. "Well, Sonny Boy, eet just so happens that your friend here ees only 'mostly dead.' There's a beeg diff-er-ence between 'mostly dead' and 'all dead.' Open his mouth, please," he instructed as the Hulk opened up Sonic's mouth, allowing Dexter to put the bellows into the hedgehog's mouth and begin pumping air in. "You see, 'mostly dead' means that he's _slightly alive_," explained Dexter. "With 'all dead'…Well, with all dead, there's only one thing you can do."

"What's that?" wondered Danny.

"Go through his clothes and look for loose change," answered Dexter as he pumped air into Sonic's body one last time before removing the bellows. He then leaned over Sonic's face before yelling into the hedgehog's ear: "HEY! HELLO IN THERE! HEY, WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HERE THAT'S WORTH LIVEENG FOR?" Dexter soon pressed down upon Sonic's stomach, causing the hedgehog to give out a weak cry of "Troo…luv…"

"You hear that?" Danny cried out triumphantly. "'True love! You can't ask for a more noble cause than that!"

"Yes, true love ees the greatest thing in the world," agreed Dexter. "Except for a nice MLT- You know, mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandweech, where the mutton ees nice and lean, and the tomato is the ripe." Dexter licked his lips thinking about the sandwich. "They're so good; I love eet. However," Dexter continued, "that's not what he said. He distinctly said 'to blathe,' which ob-vious-ly was heem meaning to say 'to bluff.' Here's what I'm guessing happened: The two of you were ob-vious-ly playeeng cards and he cheated-"

Before Dexter could continue, he was suddenly interrupted by a cry of "Liar! Liar!" as a tall elderly white-haired woman with blue eyes and wearing a pink ballet outfit suddenly came bursting into the lab, pointing her finger accusingly at the elderly little scientist. This was Dee Dee, Dexter's older sister. "LIAR!" Dee Dee shouted accusingly at her younger brother one more time.

"Get back, witch!" yelled Dexter angrily.

"I'm not a witch, I'm your big sister," countered Dee Dee equally as angry. "But after what you just tried to do, I regret even being that, now!"

"You never had eet so good!" argued her brother.

"'True Love,' Dexter, you know for a fact that that hedgehog said 'True Love'!" exclaimed Dee Dee exasperated. "True love is expiring, and you don't even have the decency to tell these people why you won't help," she continued, gesturing to Danny and the Hulk.

"Shut up, Dee Dee, you stoopid girl and get out of my lab-or-a-tory!" shouted Dexter. "Nobody's heareeng nothing!"

Dee Dee soon turned to Danny and the Hulk: "I'm sorry he's like this. He's just afraid he'll screw this up for you. Ever since Prince Bowser Jr. fired him, his confidence has been shattered."

"Why did you say that name?" groaned Dexter. "You know how much I hate hearing that name."

"What?" smirked Dee Dee innocently. "…Jr.?"

"Aah!" screamed the elderly scientist. "You promised me you would never say that name!" Dexter soon began running around the laboratory, Dee Dee chasing him all the while yelling "Jr., Jr., Jr., Jr.!"

At last, Danny and the Hulk were fed up with this. "This is Princess Sally's true love!" Danny exclaimed. "If you heal him, he will stop Jr.'s wedding."

Upon hearing this, Dexter and Dee Dee came to a stop. "Wait," the elderly scientist said. "You're sayeeng if I heal heem, Jr. suffers?"

"Humiliations galore," smirked the ghost.

"Hah hah!" laughed Dexter triumphantly getting ingredients from shelves. "Why didn't you just say so een the first place? THAT, eef anything, ees a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five; I, Dexter, Former Boy Gen-i-us, am on the job!" Dee Dee chuckled in triumph upon seeing her little brother back to his old self.

* * *

Two hours later, Dexter was holding up a pill while Dee Dee was putting a chocolate coating on it as Danny and the Hulk watched. "That's a miracle pill?" the ghost asked.

"The chocolate makes it go down easier," explained Dee Dee.

"BUT," continued her younger brother, "You have to wait fifteen minutes before po-ten-cy, and he shouldn't go sweemeeng for at least an hour after that." With that, Dee Dee finished putting the chocolate coating on the pill as Dexter handed it over to Danny. "Well, here you go."

"Thank you once again for everything," replied the ghost as he and the Hulk prepared to leave the laboratory, the Hulk once again carrying Sonic's body.

"Okay!" called Dexter as he and Dee Dee followed the ghost and monster outside of their hut, waving goodbye to them.

"Bye-bye, boys!" called Dee Dee.

"Have fun stormeeng the castle!" shouted Dexter.

"Think it will work?" asked his sister.

"It would take a miracle," muttered Dexter to her under his breath, before the two of them immediately went back to calling out "Goodbye!" to Danny and the Hulk.

* * *

Danny and the Hulk soon arrived atop a battlement overlooking the castle gate. "Danny, there's more than three thousand guards now!" the Hulk exclaimed looking down upon Gantu and the other guards stationed there.

"What's the difference?" replied Danny nonchalantly, lifting up Sonic's head. "We've got him." He then got out the miracle pill. "Help me with this. We're going to have to force-feed him."

"Has it been fifteen minutes already?" wondered the Hulk.

"I don't know, but we can't wait any longer," explained the ghost. "The wedding's in half an hour. We need to strike in the hustle and bustle beforehand." He then handed Sonic over to the Hulk. "Here. Tilt his head back and open his mouth." As the Hulk did so, Danny kissed the pill and pushed it into Sonic's mouth.

"How long do we have to wait before we know if the miracle works?" asked the Hulk.

"You're guess is as good as mine," answered Danny.

Fortunately, at that moment, Sonic's eyes opened, immediately recognizing the ghost and monster. "I beat you both apart! I'll take you on together!" the hedgehog shouted before the Hulk clasped his hand over Sonic's mouth.

"Looks like we didn't have to wait long after all," the monster replied.

"Why won't my arms move?" asked Sonic as the Hulk removed his hand from the hedgehog's mouth.

"You've been mostly dead all day," the Hulk answered.

"We had Dexter, Former Boy Genius, make a pill to bring you back," Danny explained.

"Who are you?" asked Sonic quickly. "Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Sally?"

"Let me explain," said Danny. He then paused before shaking his head. "On second thought, there's too much to explain. Let me sum up: Sally is marrying Jr. in a little less than half an hour. All we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape. After I kill Count Dan Phantom, of course."

"That doesn't leave us with much time to waste," said Sonic thoughtfully, tapping his thumb against his chest.

"You just wiggled your finger!" exclaimed the Hulk, noticing the hedgehog's movement. "That's wonderful!"

"I've always been a quick healer," explained Sonic. He then looked towards Danny. "What are our liabilities?"

"There is but one working castle gate," the ghost explained. "And it is guarded by…" At this point, Danny and the Hulk looked over the battlement to get a quick count of the guards "…six thousand men."

"And our assets?" asked Sonic.

"The Hulk's strength, MY steel and ghost powers, YOUR brains and speed," answered Danny, gesturing to each of them as he spoke.

Sonic stared at Danny incredulously. "That's it?" the hedgehog exclaimed. "That's impossible! If I had a month to plan, maybe I could come up with something, but this…" Sonic shook his head despairingly.

"You just shook your head!" exclaimed the Hulk, noticing Sonic's movement again. "Doesn't that make you happy?"

Sonic soon turned his head to the Hulk, and incredulous expression on his face: "My brains and speed, his steel and ghost powers, and your strength, against six thousand men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?" The Hulk smiled sheepishly as Sonic continued: "I mean, if only we had a wheelbarrow, THAT would be SOMETHING!"

"Hulk, where did we put that wheelbarrow the Goth had?" wondered Danny.

"Over with the Goth, I think," the monster answered. "It shouldn't be much trouble for me to go back and get it."

"Why didn't you mention that among our assets in the first place?" asked a stupefied Sonic. He then began thinking of what the three of them could do with the wheelbarrow. "What I wouldn't give for a good holocaust cloak right about now."

"THAT, I can't help you with," replied Danny.

The Hulk soon pulled out a black cloak out of one of his pants pockets. "Will this do?"

"Where did you get that?" wondered Danny.

"At Dexter's Laboratory," the monster explained. "It fit so nice, Dee Dee said I could keep it."

"All right, all right!" exclaimed Sonic, a plan coming to the hedgehog. "C'mon, help me up!" The ghost and monster soon did so as the three of them looked over the castle gates. "Now, I'll need a sword eventually," continued Sonic.

"Why?" Danny asked confused. "You can't even lift one."

"True," admitted Sonic. "But that's hardly common knowledge, is it?" At that moment, the hedgehog's head suddenly fell over comically, forcing the Hulk to lift it back up. "Thank you," said Sonic before continuing: "Now, there may be problems once we're inside…"

"I'll say," agreed Danny. "How do I find the Count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do we escape?"

"Don't pester him, Danny," scolded the Hulk, turning Sonic's head away from the ghost. "He's had a hard day."

"You're right," said Danny sheepishly. "Sorry." With that, Danny and the Hulk lowered themselves and Sonic onto the ground, putting their hands together. With great effort, Sonic was able to swing his arm on top of theirs'. With that, Hulk lifted Sonic onto his back as they began descending the battlement wall, Danny floating down right behind them.

"Danny?" asked the Hulk as they began descending.

"What?" the ghost replied.

"I hope we win."

* * *

By far, the hardest part of this chapter was having to write Dexter's accent. I hope I was able to give it justice. Read and Review, and check out my new fanmake of the Sonic SatAM series while you're at it.

Dexter's "old man" form here comes from the "Old Man Dexter" pilot/short of the _Dexter's Laboratory_ series.


	12. Chapter 11: Stop the Wedding!

Well, folks, this came out a bit later than I wanted, but here's the third-to-last chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, as the final battle begins, so here's hoping you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Stop the Wedding!**

At that moment in Cartoonia Castle, Prince Bowser Jr. was preparing Sally for their wedding. "You don't seem excited, my little muffin," the young Koopa observed as he fastened a pearl necklace around Sally's neck.

"Should I be?" Sally asked sarcastically.

"Brides often are, I'm told," answered Jr.

"Then I guess my lack of excitement is because I'm not getting married tonight," smirked Sally, getting up and turning towards Jr. "You're forgetting that Sonic will come for me." With these words Sally left her room, leaving Jr. with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Thanks to him, Sonic wouldn't be coming at all…

* * *

The time for the wedding soon arrived. Sally arrived at the chapel being escorted by King Bowser and Queen Namine while Jr. stood at the altar with Count Dan and a fat man with brown hair and glasses wearing priest's robes. This was Peter Griffin, a pirate with a marriage license who had been captured during the Brute Squad's clearing of the Thieves' Forest and subsequently pressed by Jr. into performing his wedding.

As Sally finally came up next to Jr., Peter began speaking: "Marriage," the fat man said. "Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage: that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream…"

Suddenly, Peter was interrupted by the sounds of scuffling coming from outside the castle. "Stand your ground, men!" Gantu's voice could be heard shouting.

"What was that?" Jr. said to Dan confused.

"I don't know, my Prince," the muscular ghost admitted.

"No need to worry, Your Highness," replied Peter. "It's probably just the giant blind chicken and the one-eyed pirate attempting to swipe Captain Whisker's treasure map from me."

* * *

Outside the castle, the six thousand guards were fleeing in terror at the sight of a giant hulking figure in a cloak seemingly floating towards them. "Stand your ground!" Gantu repeated.

"I AM THE DREAD PIRATE SHADOW!" the figure, actually the Hulk wearing the holocaust cloak, boomed. "THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS!"

Behind the Hulk, Danny was pushing Jack's wheelbarrow, upon which the Hulk was stationed, towards the frightened guards, Sonic draped over his back. "Now?" the ghost asked.

"Not yet," the hedgehog replied.

"MY MEN AND I ARE HERE," the Hulk continued threateningly towards the guards, "BUT SOON YOU WILL NOT BE! THE DREAD PIRATE SHADOW TAKES NO SURVIVORS!"

"Now?" asked Danny.

"Light him!" confirmed Sonic. Immediately, Danny took a lighted torch and brought it to the holocaust cloak, causing it to burst into flames around the Hulk.

"ALL OF YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES ARE ABOUT TO COME TRUE!" the Hulk announced menacingly towards the panicked guards who continued retreating at the sight of the giant flaming figure. "THE DREAD PIRATE SHADOW IS HERE FOR YOUR SOULS!"

* * *

Inside the castle, Peter had continued with his sermon in spite of the commotion: "Then love, true love, will follow you forever…"

Between Peter's lengthy sermon and the commotion going on outside the castle, Bowser Jr.'s patience was starting to get tested. Turning towards Count Dan, the young Koopa snapped his fingers, causing the muscular ghost and four of his guards to leave the chapel to deal with the disturbance…

* * *

Outside the castle, the guards continued fleeing in terror at the sight on the Hulk, covered in flames, approaching them menacingly.

"Stay where you are!" Gantu shouted towards the guards. "Stand and fight!" However, none of his men seemed to care what the whale-like alien had to say and continued their retreat.

Soon, what had once been six thousand guards guarding the castle gates had been reduced to just Gantu, who soon began trembling himself at the prospect of facing the giant flaming figure of the Hulk…

* * *

"So treasure your wife," Peter said to Bowser Jr., continuing with his sermon.

"_Skip…to…the…END_!" growled Jr., fed up with Peter's speaking.

"Do you have the ring, Your Highness?" Peter asked. As Jr. got out the ring to place on Sally's finger, the sound of the portcullis being lowered could be heard.

"Here comes my Sonic now," Sally smirked towards Jr.

"Doubtful," smirked back Jr. in reply. "Your Sonic is dead. I killed him myself."

"Then why is there fear in your eyes?" Sally observed, grinning defiantly.

* * *

Outside the castle, the Hulk had removed the holocaust cloak as Gantu began lowering the castle portcullis to seal himself off from the trio. "Hulk, the portcullis!" Sonic shouted.

Immediately, before the portcullis could reach the ground, the Hulk grabbed it from the bottom and lifted it up with ease leaving nothing separating him and Gantu. In spite of his size, the head of the Guard trembled at the sight of the Hulk as Danny and Sonic approached. "Give us the gate key!" ordered Sonic.

"There is no gate key," Gantu replied.

"Hulk," began Danny, gesturing towards Gantu, "tear his arms off."

"Oh, you mean this gate key," the whale-like alien chuckled nervously, getting out the key that he had showed earlier to Jr. as the Hulk took it.

* * *

"And do you, Princess Sally Acorn-" began Peter as the wedding had finally progressed to the "I Do's".

"_Man and Wife. Say 'Man and Wife,'_" interrupted Jr., not wanting Sally and opportunity to say "no" and ruin his plans.

"Are you sure?" replied Peter. "I mean, if you don't give the squirrel chick the chance to agree to this shindig herself, this won't be official, and she'll have grounds to annul you and take all the cool stuff that divorced wives always get from their exes."

"_I don't care: Say 'Man and Wife,'_" insisted Jr.

"All right then: Man and Wife," responded Peter. "You owe me 500 bucks for this shindig, Your Highness."

Sally was stunned. All of her previous bravado vanished in an instant. Sonic hadn't shown up, and now she was married to Bowser Jr.

Jr. soon gave Sally over to his parents. "Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite. I'll be there shortly," the young Koopa instructed to them as he left to back up Dan and Gantu.

Sally barely took notice as Bowser and Namine began escorting her away from the altar. "He didn't come," the squirrel said despairingly.

* * *

I really don't have an excuse for getting this up so late. I graduated from college in December and got myself a new laptop for Christmas so I should've had more time than usual for updates. Read and review, and I'll try to get the second-to-last chapter ASAP.

Peter makes reference to my future fanmake of _Muppet Treasure Island_, which takes place in the same continuity as this story in this chapter.


	13. Chapter 12: Danny's Revenge

Okay, folks, it's time for the penultimate chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_, featuring the long-awaited swordfight between Danny and Dan, so here's hoping you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Danny's Revenge**

Unaware that they had failed to stop the wedding in time, Danny and the Hulk snuck through the corridors of Cartoonia Castle, the Hulk carrying Sonic with him, when they suddenly came across an empty corridor. As Danny looked towards Sonic, the hedgehog nodded in confirmation, allowing the trio to enter the corridor, just as Count Dan and his men charged in from the opposite end of the corridor.

Needless to say, Count Dan was stunned at the sight of Sonic alive and with the intruders, since he'd seen Jr. kill the hedgehog himself, but on the plus side it meant that he could continue having Sonic as a test subject for his book. "Kill the ghost and the monster," the flame-haired ghost commanded to his men, "but leave the hedgehog alive for _questioning_," he finished menacingly, leaving Sonic with no doubt that the "questioning" Dan had in mind involved the Machine.

The four guards charged, but taking out his sword, Danny quickly sliced through them, killing the last one before the first had even touched the ground. Turning towards his fellow ghost, Danny grinned as he got into a fencing position. "_Hello,_" he said. "_My name is Danny Phantom. You killed my father. Prepare to die._"

At first, it looked as though Dan was going to accept Danny's challenge as he got out his own sword and got into a fencing position as well. However, the muscular ghost soon did something completely remarkable and unexpected, turning and flying away in the opposite direction. Danny soon flew after him in hot pursuit, leaving Hulk and Sonic staring at each other flabbergasted.

Dan soon flew into another chamber. Just as Danny flew towards the entrance, he saw Dan grinning mockingly at him as he flipped a nearby switch, causing an ecto-shield to form in the doorway, separating him from Danny. Dan saluted Danny mockingly as he flew down another corridor leading into the chamber.

"Hulk, I need you!" Danny shouted down the hall as he attempted to slam into the ecto-shield only to be repulsed by it.

"But I can't leave him here alone!" protested the Hulk, gesturing towards Sonic.

"He's getting away, Hulk!" shouted Danny as he continued attempting to slam into the ecto-shield. "PLEASE!" Finally giving up, the Hulk soon wrapped Sonic's arms around a nearby suit of armor as he headed towards the chamber entrance where Danny was still attempting to slam into the ecto-shield. Holding his friend back, the monster soon let loose a swing of his mighty fists, shattering the ecto-shield, and allowing Danny to enter the chamber. "Thank you," the ghost said as he flew off to continue his pursuit of Dan.

* * *

In another part of the castle, Namine and King Bowser were escorting a still despondent Sally to the honeymoon suite that had been prepared for her and Jr. "Strange wedding," the elderly Koopa commented towards his wife.

"Yes, a very strange wedding," agreed Namine. "Come along," she said towards Bowser and Sally as they continued on their way.

Before they did so, however, Sally suddenly turned and kissed Bowser on the cheek. "What was that for?" the ruler of Cartoonia wondered.

"That was my thanks for the kindness you and your wife have always shown me," explained Sally. "And I won't be seeing you again, since I'm going to kill myself once I've arrived at the honeymoon suite."

"Yes, won't that be nice," replied Bowser absentmindedly as the two of them continued off after Namine. "Did you see that, Namine?" he called to his wife. "She kissed me! Looks like I've still got it after all!"

* * *

Meanwhile, after helping Danny shatter the ecto-shield, the Hulk soon headed back to the corridor where he had left Sonic. However, Sonic was nowhere to be found.

"Where could he have gone?" wondered the Hulk. "It's not like he could have made it far in his condition." Shaking his head, the green monster soon left the corridor to search for Sonic.

* * *

Danny continued chasing Dan across the corridors and chambers of Cartoonia Castle, not giving up in his pursuit of the fork-tongued ghost. Upon reaching the bottom of a stairway, Dan suddenly reached into his boot and pulled out a dagger with an ectoranium blade. Grinning malevolently, the older ghost soon flew to the opposite end of the chamber the stairway led to and waited for his pursuer.

Once Danny had reached the bottom of the stairway, Dan suddenly threw the dagger at Danny, embedding it right in the younger ghost's chest. Danny gasped as he suddenly fell to the floor, green ectoplasm flowing out of his wound. "I'm sorry, father," choked Danny as he looked up. "I tried."

Count Dan grinned malevolently as he approached the fallen Danny. "So," the muscular flame-haired ghost commented, noticing the DP emblem on Danny's chest similar to his own. "You must be that little ghost brat I taught a lesson to fifteen years ago. It's simply incredible: Have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now when you're at the verge of success? I do believe that's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard." Dan sneered at the struggling Danny. "How marvelous." Danny could only let out a gasping choke in reply as he fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sally, Bowser, and Namine had finally reached the honeymoon suite. Bidding farewell to Jr.'s parents, Sally soon entered the chamber and sat down at a nearby desk where one of Jr.'s hunting knives was laying. Picking it up, the squirrel was just about to plunge it into her breast when a familiar voice suddenly spoke up from behind her.

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world," the voice said. "It would be a pity to damage yours." Turning, Sally saw Sonic lying on the chamber bed smiling at her. "Miss me?"

"Sonic!" cried Sally, dashing over to the hedgehog as the two began smothering each other in kisses. After a few moments, Sally noticed something: "Sonic, why won't you hold me?"

"Gently," replied Sonic as Sally lifted his head up.

"'Gently'?" asked Sally in confusion. "At a time like this, that's all you can think to say, 'Gently'?"

"Gently!" exclaimed Sonic in a panic as Sally released his head, causing it to fall with a thud against the bed's headboard.

* * *

As Danny continued shuddering from his wound, his vision suddenly went white as a large pale-blue ghost with a black goatee and horn-shaped hair wearing a white outfit with a black neck, boots, belt, and gloves and a white cape with a red inner lining suddenly appeared before him. This was Jack Plasmius, Danny's father.

"_Danny,_" began Jack. "_Why have you given up?_"

"I'm sorry, father," sighed Danny. "I failed."

"_Failed?_" repeated Jack. "_As long as you're still breathing, you haven't failed yet. You made yourself a promise that you would kill Dan and avenge me, and I won't let you give up just because you're injured. I taught you never to give up on anything, so get up and keep fighting!_"

With that, Danny's eyes suddenly snapped wide open as he removed the dagger from his chest and fired an ecto-blast at the wound to cauterize it, much to Count Dan's surprise.

"My word," the muscular ghost commented upon observing this. "Are you still trying to win? You must have an over-developed sense of vengeance." Dan grinned as he brought out his sword. "That's going to get you into trouble someday." Dan soon lunged his sword towards Danny, only for the younger ghost to weakly deflect the blow with his own sword. Dan attempted to strike again, only for Danny to once again deflect the blow. A third attempt resulted in Danny once again deflecting the blow, this time much stronger than his previous two parries as the younger ghost finally rose up to full height.

"_Hello,_" said Danny weakly as he began walking towards the stunned Dan. "_My name is Danny Phantom. You killed my father. Prepare to die._"

Dan attempted to strike at Danny, but the ghost managed to parry his opponent's lunges even more powerfully than before. "_Hello,_" the ghost repeated. "_My name is Danny Phantom. You killed my father. Prepare to die._"

This time, Danny went on the offensive, lunging at Dan with strikes that the muscular ghost was barely able to parry. "_Hello,_" said Danny, more loudly than before. "_My name is Danny Phantom. You killed my father. Prepare to die._"

"STOP SAYING THAT!" shouted Dan in annoyance as he lunged towards his younger opponent, only to leave himself open to Danny, who stabbed him in the left shoulder with his sword. Danny kept up the offensive, forcing his father's murderer back.

"_HELLO!_" Danny shouted as he backed Dan up against a table. "_MY NAME IS DANNY PHANTOM! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!_"

"Never," panicked Dan, realizing that he was now trapped.

"Offer me money," said Danny, forming ecto-energy in his free hand.

"Yes," answered Dan.

"Power too. Promise me that," added Danny as he fired an ecto-blast at Dan's chest, forming a burn along the DP emblem just like Dan had done to Danny fifteen years before.

"All that I have and more," wheezed Dan as he struggled to recover from the burn. "Please."

"Offer me anything I ask for," said Danny.

"Anything you want," Dan suddenly grinned malevolently as he suddenly deflected Danny's sword and lunged, only for Danny to suddenly plunge his sword into Dan's chest.

"I want Jack Plasmius' soul to be at peace, you S.O.B.," growled Danny as Dan gasped from the pain of the ectoranium blade. "That was just to the left of your heart," the younger ghost explained as he took his sword out and struck again. "And that was just below your heart. Know what I'm doing?"

"Cutting my heart out," answered Dan weakly.

"You cut out mine when I was fourteen; I want yours now," confirmed Danny as he struck just to the right of Dan's heart. "We're both lovers of justice, you and I- can you think of anything more just than that?" With that, Danny plunged his sword just above Dan's heart, causing the muscular ghost to scream one last time before falling to the floor and disintegrating into molecules.

Danny stared at the floor where Dan had been for a few seconds before smiling weakly in victory. Floating into the air, he soon left the chamber to search for Hulk, Sonic, and Sally and escape the castle.

* * *

After almost three and a half years of working on this thing, there's only one chapter left for me to write. I'd like to thank all the readers for patiently waiting throughout this whole thing, especially during those long periods when I wasn't updating. Read and Review, and give me your thoughts so far.

The "cutting my heart out" sequence comes from William Goldman's novel _The Princess Bride_, as well as Danny's scene with Jack (although it's not nearly as heartwarming as the way I've written it here).


	14. Chapter 13: As You Wish

Okay, folks, it's time for the final chapter of _The Princess Bride: Cartoon X-Over Edition_. Once again, I'd like to thank everyone for taking the time to read this and for having the patience to put up with me during those lengthy periods when I wasn't updating any of my stories. And with that, let's finally wrap this story up.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**As You Wish**

Back inside the honeymoon suite, Sonic and Sally continued showering each other with their affections. "Oh, Sonic, will you ever forgive me?" Sally asked despairingly.

"That depends," the hedgehog said in reply. "What hideous sin have you committed lately?"

"I got married to Jr.," explained the squirrel. "I didn't want to, but it happened so fast-"

"There's nothing to forgive," interrupted Sonic, "because it never happened."

"But it did!" insisted Sally. "I was there, the priest in charge of the wedding, he said 'man and wife.'"

"Did you get to say 'I do'?" asked Sonic.

"Actually, no," Sally realized. "Jr. made him skip that part."

"Then it didn't happen," replied Sonic. "Since you didn't give your consent, you never actually got married."

"Come to think of it, the priest said something similar along those lines when Jr. made him skip over it," recalled Sally.

"See?" grinned Sonic. "You're not married, not in my eyes or the eyes of the Church for that matter." He suddenly looked over Sally's shoulder. "Wouldn't you agree, _Your Highness_?"

Standing in the doorway was Prince Bowser Jr., sword at the ready. "A technicality that will shortly be remedied," the young Koopa replied dismissively. "But first things first: To the death, Sonic!"

"No, I've got a better idea," replied Sonic as Sally got off of him. "To the pain!"

Jr. stared at Sonic confused for a few seconds. "I don't believe I'm quite familiar with that expression."

"Then allow me to explain," smirked Sonic. "And I'll be sure to use small words so that your feeble brain can comprehend them, you turtle-faced buffoon."

"You know, I do believe that's the first time anybody's been foolish enough to openly insult me to my face," commented Jr., glaring at Sonic.

"Well, get used to it, because it won't be the last time," replied Sonic, returning the glare. "'To the pain' means the first thing you'll lose will be the feet below the ankles. Next, your hands at the wrists, and then your nose…"

"And then my tongue, I suppose," replied Jr., rolling his eyes. "I clearly killed you too quickly last time, a mistake I don't intend on duplicating tonight."

"I wasn't finished!" interrupted Sonic. "The next thing you lose will be your right eye, followed by your left one."

"And then my ears, I get it!" groaned Jr., exasperated. "Let's get on with it already!"

"WRONG!" corrected Sonic. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you the reason why: So that the shriek of every child upon seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out 'Dear god, what is that thing?" will echo in _your perfect ears_. That's what 'to the pain' means," finished Sonic. "It means that I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Jr. stared at Sonic for a few seconds. "You know what, I think your bluffing," the Koopa prince finally said.

"It's possible, turtle," the hedgehog replied. "It is conceivable that I MIGHT be bluffing, you miserable, vomitus mass. It could be that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again…" At this point, Sonic slowly got himself off the bed, then rose to full height, brandishing his sword towards Jr. "Drop…your…sword!" the hedgehog commanded as Jr. immediately did so.

"Why don't you have a seat, Your Highness?" suggested Sonic, gesturing towards a nearby chair with his sword. Jr. nervously jumped out of his feet to do so. "Tie him up," the hedgehog said, turning to Sally. "Make it as tight as you like." The female squirrel immediately began doing so, and had just finished tying Jr. up when Danny floated into the chambers.

"Where's the Hulk?" the ghost asked.

"I thought he was with you," replied Sonic.

"Obviously not," answered Danny.

"Well, in that case," began Sonic as he began taking a step forward, only to slip.

"Help your love," Danny said to Sally.

"But why does Sonic need helping?" asked Sally, going over to Sonic.

"Because he has no strength left," Danny explained.

"HA! I knew you were bluffing!" laughed the tied-up Jr. He soon stopped laughing, however, upon being poked at with Danny's sword.

"You knew he was bluffing, and fell for it anyway?" asked the ghost dumbfounded. "What an idiot." He soon turned to Sonic. "What do you want to do with him?"

"Let him live," answered the hedgehog. "Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardice." Just then, the group was distracted by the Hulk's yelling from outside the castle.

"Danny!" the monster shouted. "Danny, where are you?" Immediately, the trio headed over to the window and opened it, looking down to see the Hulk standing at the bottom of the castle with four white horses. "Ah, there you are," said the Hulk, looking up at them. "After I lost track of you guys, I decided to head over to the Prince's stables to find a mode of escape, and look what I found: four white horses. After all, there would be four of us, if we found the Princess- Hello, Your Highness!" the Hulk called out, waving to Sally, as the squirrel smiled back in reply. "So I decided to take them with me in case we bumped into each other, which we just did," the Hulk finished, grinning.

"Hulk," grinned Danny. "You proved that you've still got brains behind the monster."

"Don't worry," chuckled the Hulk. "I'm not one to let it get to my head."

Sally was the first one to exit the castle window, jumping out and floating down into the arms of the Hulk. Sonic soon gestured for Danny to go next.

"You know, it's strange," the ghost said wistfully. "I've spent over half my life searching for revenge against Count Dan Phantom. Now that he's gone, I don't know what to do with my life."

"Have you considered piracy?" suggested Sonic. "You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Shadow." With that, Sonic exited though the window with Danny having a moment of contemplation before following suit. Upon landing, the four mounted their horses and galloped outside the gates of Cartoonia Castle to safety.

"_They rode to freedom,"_ narrated Abe as the scene changed to the four white horses galloping across the Cartoonia plains to a beautiful sunrise. _"And as dawn arose, Sonic and Sally knew they were safe…"_

The scene soon switched to Sonic and Sally next to each other on their horses on top of a mountain. They soon leaned in towards each other as Abe continued reading: _"A wave of love swept over them, and as they reached for each other…"_

* * *

The scene soon switched back to Bart's room as Grandpa closed the book shut. "What?" asked Bart confused.

"Oh, it's just more kissing, you don't want to hear that," explained Abe.

"Well, maybe I don't mind as much," muttered Bart sheepishly.

"Oh, really," chuckled Homer, remembering his earlier words to his son.

"All right then," said Abe as he re-opened the book to the last page, the scene switching towards Sonic and Sally kissing as he finished his narration: _"Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate and pure. This one left them all behind…"_

With that, the scene once again switched back to Bart's room as Abe closed the book shut. "The End," said Grandpa. "So what did you think?"

"An excellent story, as good as I remembered it, " grinned Homer, stretching as he got up. "Now if you want me, I'll be at Moe's." With that, Homer left the house.

"And now I think it's time you went to sleep, Bart," said Grandpa as he got up.

"Okay," said Bart as he laid down in his bed, Abe getting ready to leave. Just as he was about to exit Bart's room, however, his grandson suddenly called out to him. "Grandpa?" asked Bart, as Abe turned towards him. "Maybe if you want, you can come over and read it to me again sometime?"

Grandpa grinned at Bart for a second before finally answering "As you wish." With that, Abe turned off the light in Bart's room, closing the door behind him.

* * *

And so, this story finally ends. But don't worry, this won't be the last you hear of me. After all, I've still _Karistasia_, _Digimon vs. Marvel Universe_, and _Ash the Pokémon_ to work on, not to mention plenty of other fanmakes I have planned for the future. Read and Review, and give me your thoughts on this story.


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